Random thoughts.

In my 16 years of liveing I wonder. Does anyone really know the real me? I mean, I don’t even know If I know myself. I suprise myself with some of the things I say. Sometimes, I just feel like..My life isnt real and that i’m bounceing back and forth from..here to some weird altternite reality. Does that sound..the slightest bit..insane to you? I dont know. I suppose I will start venting about my best friend. I won’t tell you her name, because well, I just won’t..But.. Liz seems like a good name. Anyway! Were kinda..fighting? I don’t really know. It’s hard to tell with her sometimes. One moment she can be all happy and the next she’ll be down your ass about something. Maybe us liveing a little over 1,000 miles away and about 4 states doenst help eaither. Well, heres, a "fight" converstaion thing..we had..Maybe  someone can tell me what the hell it means.

Me:Are you ok?
Liz: Yeah..I had too many cookies and propel and I think.
Liz: But I’m fine….why?
Me: Just wondering..
Liz: Well everyone STOP asking if I’m okay? Or doing better?
Me: You brought it upon yourself.
Me: Don’t sign off like that.
Me: Espeshally after you were all upset,
Liz: Other wise I would have blown up at you and Jo! I’m trying to avoid that since it usually doesn’t turn out well!
Me4: Well, its better if you tell us then not to
Me: You know?
Me: I mean I was really worried about you, I didnt know what to do Liz

Me: I feel like, I can’t help you anymore, I feel like your not honest with me, or tell me anything, like you keep things hidden from me all the time.
Me: Chris told me never to tell you that I worry about what your hideing but, Its bothering me.
Me: I feel like you don’t trust me like you did, and you have another best friend somewhere else, that’s better then me and that you trust everything with. I tell you everything and you just..hide things.
Me: I can’t help thinking all of that, I really can’t.
Liz: Well…I don’t hide things….I don’t know anyone else to be friends with..
Me: Liz!
Me: You are hideing something!
Me: I can tell!
Me: I might act like i’m oblivios to the world, and stupid but I know that your not telling me something!
Me: Were suppose to be honest, am I wrong?
Liz: What the hell am I hiding then?!!??! Is it that I hate it when people say that to me?!
Me: I know you hate it!
Liz: What in the fuckng WORLD could I be hiding?!
Me: I don’t know!
Me: That;s why i’m asking you!
Liz: I’m not a lesbian, I’m not a man, I have no other friends, I’m not adopted!
Me:Liz..
Me: Thats not what I ment.
Liz: What then?
Me: I just..
Me: I don’t know!
Me: Its just..
Me: Oh..gosh.
Me: I just..
Me: Bah!
Me: Ever sense we met Jo it seems he knows more about you then I do.
Liz: Well sometimes it takes a stranger to open up..
Me: I know!
Me: But do you have any idea how much that hurts me?
Me: I’m probley being selfish somehow, but really, It hurts me alot, like you can’t trust me at all.
Liz: Well I feel like Jo knows more about you than I do!
Me: He doesnt.
Liz: Well perhaps Jo doesn’t now more about me than you do?
Me: I might tell him things that i’m feeling about you, but thats because i’m afraid to tell you, because of what you’ll say.
Me: He does!
Liz: How do you know?!
Me: Because!
Me: It just..seems like you tell him all your thoughts, and everything!
Me: Not just about me, but about D and everyone!
Liz: You know how I feel about Christopher….It seems like everyone does! I don’t WANT you to be my therapist and know every little damn thing about me. I just want some secrets!
Me: Ok..
Liz signed off at 11:12:54 PM.

To clear a few things up! Jo is a good friend. We met him not that long ago. Acording to Liz, he has taken quite an intest in me. But its..a long story, and for another time.. D and or Christopher, is Liz’s..crush. Hes..very.. I don’t know different I suppose. The boy cannot figure out what he wants in life. I mean hes almost 18, do SOMETHING! As you can probley see, I’m not much with expressing myself. I am really horrible at doing so. I just get all tounge tied and..can’t think of anything to say. I don’t know what I will do If I loose her. I know its probley pathetic, but she means everything to me. I mean, not EVERYTHING but alot of it. I don’t know what I would do. She’s my other half of me. Withough her I’m just..there pointlessly being. I know that she can probley get along fine without me…But I have lost to many people to give up on her..just..to many…