Guys…

Well, I talked to Joe, Not my Jo. But anyway. Just to descrie Joe, he’s very smart assy. Not like, sweet smart ass, or ever stupid smart ass. More like "I’m better then you and smarter then you so back off bitch, but I’m still your friend.” smart ass. Also he’s very..er..sexualy aware. Well, or so he says. But you can’t help but notice if he’s not he sure as hell reads alot of porn or somthing. But anyway. I IMed him, to ask him what the hell is with Brandon(My ex). I mean, I know that Brandon’s a ass, but really. Not this much of one. I blocked him, just to kinda keep away for awhile. Because It still hurts somewhat to talk to him. I don’t know why really. I just don’t want to talk to him at all. Besides, that he can be really anoying. And just talk about himself all the time. And he has one hell of a temper. I called him stupid one time, as a joke, and he yelled at me! I felt like he was gunna come though the phone and strangle me or somthing. But anway! I talked to Joe, and asked what was with Brandon. And he’s like "I don’t know I havent talked to him in a long time. Besides why, do you of all people want to talk to him? He’s your Ex. Let me tell you something, Ex’s never become friends. Unless you want him back, and love and care for him. Just forget it. You don’t want your heart to be broken." Well! Isn’t he nice..I mean really, such a friend. My response." I am not normal. I don’t love him like I did. But I do care about him." And His response. "Well it’s no use. Even if you did love him, he wouldn’t take you back, you’ve messed up to much. He doesnt want someone like you. He wants someone to love. Not someone who goes on PMS attacks, and kills him all the time. Besides, you pretty much know what he wanted you for, then he would have taken it and not came back." Well isn’t that nice. I started to tear up by this point. I mean I know that in the end that Brandon probley would have taken advantage of me, and ran with it. But I never expect anyone to point that out to me. And espeshally Joe. But anyway.. I just kinda..Signed off..and went outside and silently cried to myself.

 For me being so happy I am crying more then normal. Sometimes, I kinda get all teary eyed after talking to Jo. Because I miss him so much. I am trying not to be so attached, but its not working to well. I think about him all the time. I would do anything to have him here. I can’t even begin to say how thankful I am to even know him. Let alone have him love me just as much as I love him. I know I feel so freaking weird say all of this..I mean really. People tell me all the time, that I shouldn’t attach myself to him. People break up and move on. I don’t want that. Ever. Bah. I dunno.. I am really confused all the time about this. Should I get attached, well..more so then I already am? I have so many questions, but barely any answers.

And I think that Liz, is getting jelous. Just a little. I mean she is always asking where I am going. And if I’m with Tracey, then she’s kinda like Ugh..I feel so bad leaveing her there, I feel so bad her not haveing friends. But I have friends and I want to do things, other then sit on my butt all day on the computer. I want to get up and go places. I wish more then anything, that I could be there with her, this summer. I will be there! I am going to see her. I dont know why she’s like this. I am trying as hard as I can to make everyone happy. Like my mom, Hanna,Jo, Tracey, Britney. Just everyone. I need a vacation. A long vacation..To..Texas..and Florida..Maybe then I’ll feel better..Road Trip..Anyone have any money? Bah….