8/27/05

It might be nothing. But I’m feeling kinda left out. Well…I dunno. I make people feel left out then they go off and find there own little group, and then I talk to them, and I find out things that make me worried and not trusted. Liz and me have been talking alot more. I’m glad that she understands what happened. I duno though. Her and Tywer have this weird bond thing now. Now that they figured out that they only like eachother as friends. And, I dunno. She told me something and I feel horrible. Because I know it’s part my falt.  I don’t like knowing that. Liz says that the reason no one tells me anything anymore, is " Because you freak out and we just want you to be happy and stress free" Well. I LIKE KNOWING! I like the stress. I don’t like not knowing things. I WANT to know. I ask, which means I want to know. I want to have stress, and worry about people. Because it makes me forget my problems and everything that I’m going through and all of that. I don’t know.

On another note. Jo’s ex-girlfriend, Anna, happens to go to my school, I think i’ve mentioned her once or twice. But I dunno, I feel really guilty around her. And, very uncomfortable. (Which that one is a given, why I feel like that.) But, I have yet to understand why I feel guilty. I kinda think it’s because, I know that she still likes him, and I kinda ruined her chance. I’ve heard it from Tywer already that I have no reason to be jelous. And Jo said the same thing. But I’m just not listening to that. I just feel so weird around Anna. Like, I don’t want to feel around someone. I feel like I have some weird power over her, and I have something that she want’s that she has but now can’t have because I have him. I don’t want her to feel that way. But I still have issue’s with her. She’s not my favorite person in the world. She’s nice and all that stuff, don’t get me wrong. She’s not really populer because she runs around calling everyone a dumbass. But she just..hurts people without noticeing. Like Tracey. I won’t go into it, but I know that Anna does stuff like that. And, She kinda treats me like..she know’s i’m there and she’ll talk to me..(Meaning she’ll talk to other people, and I’m there so I hear it too.) but she has yet to look me in the eye. And yet, to talk directly at me. I dunno why that’s important to me, but it just is. I want to know if she’s alright with me, being with Jo. I have no idea why it is important.. And that bugs the hell out of me. I sit there in class trying to figure it out, but I can’t. Which is bad, because then I miss the entire lesson, and that’s never good…