6/5/05

The past couple of days have been uneventful. Liz and me pretty much are ok. But I know that she knows, that I know that she’s hideing something..(If anyone got that…congratulations!) But. She won’t tell me what the hell it is! I think I kinda know..I mean, I am her best friend, I can tell somethings about her. She’s just good at hideing things from people. She’s done it her whole life, now that I think about it. To her family, mostly. When I met her about 4 years ago, she pretty much the little girl that was perfect and sat up right in the front of the classroom, and always looked nice, and got perfect grades, and never did anything wrong. That’s the first impression I got from her. And, I have never gotten that impression again. I sometimes think it’s my falt. She’s lost alot of her childhood innocence because of me. Well, I know it’s not all because of me, I mean she has grown up alot, in the time that we have been friends. But she’s seen alot of stuff that a normal 14 year old shouldn’t. I’m not saying that she’s too young to know any of it. Because she would smack me if she ever heard me saying that. I just think..that she is kinda…growing up to fast. I know she would kill me if she heard me saying that..But it’s true! She just doesnt want to relize it I guess. I suppose seeing her again, maybe it will make things better…

Other than Liz. There’s Jo. So many thoughts come to mind when I say his name. I know that I like him..ALOT maybe its love, perhaps.. I know that he does love me. He always tells me. I know i’m too young to know love. And the only other guy (besides  family) broke my heart and stomped on it. Isn’t that spiffy? So, when Jo comes along, He sweeps me off my feet, and tells me all these things about me that are true, that I have never noticed. Things, like.. He thinks i’m beautiful, which, I don’t see. At all. And he tells me things I don’t want to hear, that I put myself down, and that I shouldn’t and stuff. And I really love him for that. Telling me things that I don’t want to hear. I know it sounds stupid and lame. But I think that. No one’s ever done that. It makes me feel somewhat speical. And I don’t want to lose him. Even though Liz said stuff that hurt me. She said that Jo’s to smart for me! UGH! I know sometimes I can be highly lame and reaaaalllly stupid. But! How can someone be to smart for someone else?! I mean is that really possible? I’m not completly dumb ass stupid. But i’m not the smartest carrot in the bunch. Jo and me were talking about it and he made me laugh about it. He said that maybe he should start acting like i’m a dumb ass, to make you look smarter. It isn’t as funny now, but at 3 in the moring and we were both tired as hell, it was freaking hilarous! I just hope he doesnt do the same thing to me as my ex did…I don’t know what I would do then…