6/14/05

I went to a roller coster park with my family this weekend..that was…different. But I didnt get to talk to Jo for 2 days. I know I know I know. It’s not that long of a time at all. But I almost went insane. He was all I could think about. Everything reminded me of him. And I mean everything..From how someone said something, to the dirt on the ground. I can’t belive that I was like that. You go back about 3 years, and tell me that I was going to swoon over a guy like this I would have laughed at you. Even a couple of months ago I would have at least chuckled. This isn’t the kind of person I am. Or who I want to be. I love being independent. and not haveing to answer to anyone. But now I am all over him. I am afriad of smothering him, and looseing him too. I asked him that too. Because he keeps asking if I don’t want him to call me by pet names (Like Princess, love, doll, sweetheart, ect) It makes me smile everytime he does call me by a pet name. He has so many for me. I think his favorite is Bunny. I have no idea were he got that from. But he calls me that sometimes. *Sigh* All my entrys in here have him in it don’t they? Lol, I am obsessed. Arn’t I? Oh..well.

I also haven’t talked to Liz in almost 4 days. She’s being all distant. But she just found out that her parents might be getting divorced. Well, It’s not a huge shock. Her mom moved out of the house in September. But still, It hurts her. She hides her feelings alot. And she’s starting to distance herself from people. I miss her, but I’ll give her, her space. I know she want’s it. I have objections about that, but I am trying to be the best friend I can be during all of this. And if it’s space she needs, then I’ll give it to her..Hesitently..but I will..at least try. Ugh. Life is so freaking complicated. And speaking of which, that brings me to the next person I wish to rant about..my mother.

My mom and me have a weird relasonship. One second she loves me and the next she is yelling at me. I dunno..and ever sense my step father passed away in 2002 she has been so mean and bitchy. I dunno. I’m probley complaining to much about her. At least I do have a mother. Jo and Hanna think that I should live with my father. I still don’t know about that one. I mean me and my mother can start another war, but…leaveing her, would be too hard for me. I dunno she has this power over me, if she wants something normaly I do it. It might take me awhile, but I do it. I dunno, I just hope by the time 2 years are up and i’m 18 and I can go, I’m still alive….