you’d be surprised

my entries take a lot of work to post now…
not quite sure how i feel about that.
we’ll see how long this lasts.
i guess i’m confused, about the way my old old friends act and behave. people from highschool. i just noticed today that a girl i grew up with is back with her highschool boyfriend. and i just remember him being an asshole and cheating on her over the past few years. he made out with me and lied to both of us about his situation with the ‘other girl’ it was lame. but she’s smart and pretty, and could do so much better. and i would like nothing more than to shake her and say, you know better than this. come on!
but were not really friends anymore, we just grew apart. and i found out about it through an away message. it’s none of my business, but i still care.
it’s always going to be like this. people i really respect getting into crappy relationships. the girls i graduated with are always going to be like this. sigh, oh well.

now onto my problems…ick.
last night i asked tim what our deal is. and just as i typed it em and mark needed the computer and i had to get offline. so i dropped this huge bomb of a question and then left. dumbass.
we’ll see how this ends up going, probabaly thinks i’m crazy.
i bought a pack of cigarettes yesterday. i don’t know why. i mean i smoke, but not anymore, and not enough to need my own pack. it was very impulsive and sigh…but at least i have a nice fresh unopened pack of marlboro menthol lights for next time i am super stressed out.
i’ll have to be sneaky about smoking…em totally disapproves. everyone seems to, but oh man nicotine is relaxing!
i figure if i can’t ruin my lungs with pot, might as well be cigarettes.
on the subject of destroying my body. i’ve also decided to be more disciplined about working out. i figure it would be good for me to run after work each day. it’s pretty nerve racking here…nothing like a run followed by my inhaler and a cigarette!!!!
my mom has been sending me annoying letters and emails. and i’ve decided that if i ignore her enough she might just vanish. i’d be okay with that. it would be sad for my granschildren. when they learn that i’d vanished grandma away. but luckily i’m not that set on having kids either. i’d be really okay living a life that included my husband and my kooky left wing dad who visited frequently and spoke of revolution and personal freedom.
‘wishing really hard that my mom will vanish’
i’d like to call nicole sometime so we can finalize some of our vacation. this trip to amsterdam has been in the back of my mind for days. it just won’t leave! which is probably a very good sign. hostels are a lot more expensive that i realized, $25 per night! i saw a few places at craigslist.com where we can rent an apartment for a weekend, it’s like $150 which would be cheaper! closer to the date i’ll look into that more. i’ve even been envisioning what kind of outfits i’ll pack. this vacation is so far away for me to be this excited.
it looks like we are going skiing in france for the easter holiday(middle of april), then i get to go home for a while in may…i’m going to see if i can stay a little longer than a week. hoepfully i’ll be home for a week in july, it’s more than likely. then two weeks in france during august! it’s going to be the best vacation year ever!!!!
i’d still like to take a week and go visit jenni in italy and see some other countries…
maybe i’ll just travel for a while after my job is done here.
i sort of like everything being up in the air, but on the other hand i have to start preparing NOW!
i also need to apply to reading university here…that is top priority this afternoon.
i’m college bound!

ma’am
You are listening to Vitamin C