you know so well

i finally crashed today.
yesterday was more nonsense and perpetual motion, ick. watched the family stone with the sisters last night. fell asleep, which seems to have replaced my previous vice of sobbing uncontrollably at movies. a call from work boy woke me up. got a box of wine, got drunk off three glasses. ALMOST won at disney trivial pursuit. SO CLOSE! we went to bed, and this moring when i had to go…he asked why. and i explained and he said he wished i could stay. it was very cute. drove home and just layed on the couch ALL day. got up to eat and other things…
now i am getting ready for work, then coming home and going to sleep early tonight.
funny highlights of the day-
my dad discovering my box of wine and saying that only hobos drink alcohol from a box. i then pointed out that it was wine from a bag in a box. and we laughed together.
i also decided that i cannot spend any more nights at work boys house as long as things stay like this. i’ve identified that i am in a very needy place. and it’s already been established that i like him for his personality. which is pretty rare for my shallow self. he’s just not my type, but i’m enamoured by him. but i can’t continue this pseudo fling of secrecy and late ngihts.
i guess the secrecy is taken out, but last year we worked together so we were discreet, and i ended up getting really jealous. but now i can shout it to the rooftops. which i am not doing, but i could if i wanted to.
with him, i need all or nothing. and i’m not so sure i can handle all, so it might end up being nothing. i just don’t like that the context of our time spent together is late nights, drinks and early mornings. whenever we are together one of us ALWAYS has to be somewhere before 10:00 and since he lives 30 minutes out of town i’m always up early and we are both so tired and grumpy that mornings are unpleasant.
one morning we were both the openers for work, and we had to be all discreet and sneaky. and walk in at different times so we wouldn’t be found out.
jesus this is complicated. i need to talk to him, but we only see each other at night. damn.
ma’am