themes

last night iot thunderstormed, and thunderstorms make me antsy. and for a brief second i thought about lady, hating thunderstorms, trapped underground scared. and i started to cry, and i couldn’t stop.

i am so nervous about moving away. about leaving the things i love.

i had a really rough nights sleep. i know it was the thunder, it seemed so close.

i work up at 8:30 and made breakfast, and then went back to bed at 12.

i had two very intense dreams. in the first, i was in what seemed like the pyramids, but it was in greece. and i was in a town house with ALL of the people i avoid and fret about. and we were pulling these little artifacts out of these drawers from the pyramids and looking at them. one was a piece of honey comb with a few bees on it, and they were all alive. someone handed it to me and i set it back down. moments later i was collapsing in the hallway of a sterling apt. trying to figure out what was wrong, when i saw a bee on my arm stinigng me. i was having an allergic reaction and couldn’t breathe or move. i tried screaming but no one came. as i was dragging myself to help taran allen emerged into the hallway and started stabbing me in the neck with epi-pens. i then stood up and the dream was over.

next…alexia, mallory, jaime and i were in alexia’s car driving in traverse city, when we came to a rotary. alexia pulled some of her crazy driving and swerved to miss a car. all of a sudden we were in a one way tunnel going the wrong way. we swereved and missed two cars when we left the tunnel and were on the mackinac bridge. alexia said the only way to survive the opposing traffic was to jump the car off the bridge. i realzied my seatbelt wasn’t buckled and freaked out. we were over the guard rail flying in the air and i could see the waves approaching. and just as we hit i buckled my seatbelt. i managed to unbuckle myself and swim out the window. alexia and mallory got out but jaime was stuck. we rescued her. for some odd reason another family was swimming in the lake with us. there was no other car but someohow they ended up with us. i don’t remember the rescue. what i remember next standing at the counter in china garden, picking up food and paying with my moms sunoco card. when i got home she was so pissed at me for getting in a car accident. she saw my name on the news, and was mad i didn’t call to tell her i was ok. when i realized i left my brand new phone in the bottom of lake michigan.

my dreams all had to do with me almost leaving forever (death) and then coming back. i don’t think i’m going to die. but i think it really eludes to me moving for a year and the possibility of me not coming back. i have signed my contract, applied for my passport and recieved my airline tickets. this is real!

i am moving.

dear god, i’m so scared. maybe because i can’t remember what it is like to move away.

this entry is from livejjournal