old times never end

god damn. nothing is simple anymore.

last night was long. remember adam? the huge drama in winter? with the plane tickets? well he had some bad news yesterday, and i organized a mini-intervention. when i spoke to him at 7 he was tanked. and talking about lots of old feelings. i really felt for him, and wanted to go see him. he told me not to come because he was sure we would do something we would both regret. and i definatly agreed that it was a bad time. but i convinced a mutual friend to go with me to see him. i figured we couldn’t do something stupid with other people around, and it would be really overwhelming for him to see just me. so it balanced the whole situation out.

i didn’t tell adam i was coming over, but figured since he was so wasted he wouldn’t be going anywhere. so at 8 we began the two hour journey to his parents house.

adam wasn’t there. no one knew where he went. i tried the lake and racked my brain for a million places where he could have been. didn’t find him, stayed in town till 12:30 and then drove home.

at 2:30 i decided he must have been at the cabin. but apparently he wasn’t there either.

i thought i was done with him, but obviously i’m still trying to be his friend if i hightailed it to ludington. he said some things that really stuck with me. about my sister.

last night i called work boy. he said he has to work two doubles this weekend and that he would call me next week.

i told him he wouldn’t. i wasn’t trying to be mean, but i know he won’t. he never does. he muttered something like whatever under his breath and i responded well you won’t. and he accused me of starting an argument. it was just bullshit. when i was here in may he was head over heels for me. we hung out every night! i was in new york for one week, and something changed everything. why on earth won’t he see me?

i don’t think i will call him again. he’s obviously got some shit to figure out.

i just cannot wait for next week to start. i’ll go back to work, and all of this drama will be over. thank the lord.