crying pork with salty remorse(updated)

oh dear. i am high, very high. and at school. eeep. not so great. i think i might get caught. lol, i feel so silly. my head is really warm. and the bubbles that i used to see, well mike said they were just my contacts. phew. i was worried they were alien space ships. it was lots of fun when alexia, mark and i drew the bubbles coming from my eyeballs.

i am really not in a writing conditon. i have a technical meeting in 15 minutes. eppp.

sarah

so i am sitting in my computer room, abnd i am very tired. in fron tof me is a stark white envelope with this on the front.

Office of Admission

Smith College

7 College Lane

North Hampton, MA 01063

USA

inside this crisp clean envelope is a commitment card with my name and social security number. and a little box is checked that says i will go to smith college. next to it is my $300 deposit. the envelope is sealed, but not stamped. and i don’t know if i want to send it.

i am having regrets….not regrets….reservations.

is this what i want?

I have been despratly seeking Christian cousel lately, i needed someone to hold me accountable. i found someone, i know they will help me fix things. but we talked about how much i want to leave, but i have to stay, yet i really have to leave. it makes no sense to me, so i don;t excpect you to understand either.

i feel sick, and i sound like howard dean did after the iowa caucass. all hoarse and gross.

i need to send some emails to preofsseors.

so i will be back later, maybe tomorrow. who knows with me.

sarah…for real this time