ante up

i’ve been prepping to write this entry for ages. but everytime i begin, i just quit.

maybe because i can’t get my thoughts out properly, but mostly because everytime i reread what i just wrote, i feel/seem like a whiny bitch.

so lets see, my roomate tracy is gone, hurah. she was so hyper and stressed all of the time. it got to the point where i just could not handle it any more. i’m at an incredibly selfish period in my life. i don’t know why, but i just don’t care about anyone else. i guess for once in my life i deserve to worry about myself. my other roomate sarah, is equally ridiculous. we share a bathroom, and i just simply don’t care about putting stuff away anymore. now, it’s not like i leave nasty q-tips on the counter….i just don’t put my deodorant or hairbrush back under the sink. when i came home today everything from the countertop was thrown into my sink. i just put it all back on the counter, it isn’t killing anyone….and honestly…..WHO the fuck cares? such a petty thing to throw a fit about and throw all of my jewelry, toiletries etc into the sink. pffft. she also keeps messing with the air conditioning. i really don’t care whether it is on or off, but i do care if it is constantly adjusted and turned on and off. in my opinion it costs a lot more money to cool the apartment to 70, turn it off when we are gone so the apt is 85 then turn it back on again at 5 to 70. just set it a 75 all the time, problem solved. but she just doesn’t get logic. maybe i’ll just rip the thermostat off the wall with it permanently programmed at 75.

next on my whiny bitch fest… i had my lumpectomy on the 26th. the pathology came back saying that it was a benign mass. hurah hurah. that was just one last thing anyone needed to deal with. but the incision hasn’t healed all of the way…it seems like a stitch didn’t dissolve, but i have a follow up next week so i will investigate that when the time comes.

my sisters ewings sarcoma is back. she has started a new protocol through M.D.Anderson Houston. Luckily it is in home chemo this time around. my mom has been a nut case lately, understandably so….but sometime it is just beyond acceptable. she is going around telling everyone that asks about Hannah’s condition that she is dying. which is a lie. she is not dying, and she may very well die from this cancer EVENTUALLY but that time is not now, and hopefully not in the future. through all of this Hannah has remained unchanged, and that is my proof that she is going to make it. people who are dying do not harrass me for hours on end about ice cream and bunny rabbits.

jason and i move in together in 20 days. we had a big fight today…he hasn’t brushed his teeth in at least two days. and i have finally just refused to kiss him. he says i’m being mean, i say he’s being disgusting. and if he can’t conform to some pretty basic hygenic standards, than i am allowed to be a bitch about it.

i rarely talk to alexia anymore. but honestly i have been so much happier. maybe it was just our time to move on, etc. actually, i know it was our time to move on. highschool friendships are not guaranteed to last forever.

and with that, i am off to bed….we’ll see if i ever update again.