Sunday Funday

I guess can start with the awkward bit. The part where I have to directly address anyone reading this because I should give some context. I will keep things somewhat vague, for my own privacy, but I am going to use this as a transparent outlet, hoping that it is helpful to anyone (including myself). I am a woman in my thirties living in New York with my long-time boyfriend. There are many beautiful and positive things in life that I am incredibly grateful for every single day of my life. With that said, I struggle with addiction recovery, depression, anxiety, and a group of other fun factors. Despite the difficulty, I have received my master’s degree, work in a pretty in-demand high-level tech job, and am working on some pretty new and exciting things. It isn’t an easy balance and the way I work often makes it hard to shower, eat, move or think. I am working on shifting to a more balanced and healthier lifestyle, remaining more grounded and present, and focusing on the important things. That is a very long-winded way of saying I am starting this open diary as a way to outlet my thoughts in a way that is seen not just by me. I don’t know how frequently I will post, because honestly there is a ton on my plate right now…but I will check in as often as I can (I promise). Well if you are reading, thanks for sticking around! Enjoy a deep dive into my brain. 

As usual, Sunday comes with not quite as good of a mood as Saturday. Today it is a mix of the average dread I feel each week of going back to work and me feeling super guilty about not calling my biological father yesterday. Don’t hate me yet, I work a super high-stress job, one that I have been on for over 7 years. I have not always had the best work/life balance here (partially because I have outlet my addiction into workaholicism, which I am working on), and when I get some downtime I need to recharge A LOT. Not only am I an introvert (not one of those introverts that can’t be social, I am one that is pretty good at it externally but it slowly drains my soul out of my body till I die and I need to hide for months). This might have to do with the fact that I am in meetings on camera talking to people for 7+ hours a day with my job, but I digress. You may be thinking to yourself, oh poor thing that is a lot to deal with! Well, buckle in my friend…

I have my amazing goddess of a mother, my stepfather, and my dad (all of whom I love dearly). I am an only child, and all of them would love for a daily 1-2 hour call (which is not doable on my end at this point). If I didn’t feel guilty enough both dads make sure to remind me how much they need those calls, and every damn call is an intense play-by-play of the horrors of the world. So not to be you know…a Debbie Downer…but it can be a lot…I won’t dive into the other aspects of chaos but I feel safe saying that when I wanna unplug it is necessary. Even as we speak I feel the moments clicking away that I won’t have to do reports or prep for my other projects. But health is wealth so this is what the priority is yall!

Health needs to be #1 because my body was literally screaming it at me, in fact, I think the whole fricken universe was/is. I wasn’t moving, eating, or doing anything but working for months and my back started getting awful, I was exhausted always (who would have guessed lol), and I was just feeling like a wreck. I am using past tense because I have been living a healthy life for 1 day (so I am obviously reformed). But you know what they say, “What a difference a day makes.”. Those tacos nourished my body and soul! Three meals in the day, I did yoga, journaled, showered, brushed my teeth, and got some work done. I know there are some basic things on the list but those are deadass hard for me when I get into my depression hole.

Each day I am trying to focus on journaling, then picking a quote that feels good based on my journal entry. Yesterday’s quote was rooted in following your gut because honestly I have been and it is amazing. For the rest of the day, I kept hearing people saying follow your instinct, follow your gut…from TV to my yoga instructor (YouTube), to commercials. I know it sounds crazy, but I have been having some real wild thoughts on the universe and how we all relate, and how messages come through when you listen. So TRUST YOURSELF!

Today I am really focused on how time is fleeting and energy is limited. I really have to stay smart, focused, and productive to get everything I need to be done today. I did wake up early, and I am feeling relatively good for a Sunday (aka not in a panic depression).

On that note, I am going to get breakfast, because that is next on the to-do list. I am better at helping others than myself, so if you are feeling guilty about something today that isn’t yours to own I give you permission to release it, but in order to do that I release my guilt for things I don’t own. We help each other here =p

Chat soon! Here is your daily quote & pattern

“Energy and time are finite resources; conserving them is very important…” Twyla Tharp

Daily Pattern: Your life will most likely be full of changing circumstances, and you’ll do best if you just go with the flow.”