The Grand Speech I Have Not Made

Today at the Masquers meeting I butted heads once more with stoic enemies of my show and my own aspirations.  And for it all, I’ve found that I am clearly in the right here.  No questions about it.  I read the actual documentation that proves me right, so that should make me feel better.  But instead it makes me angrier. 

I drove back here, to my apartment, and in the car I yelled out my tirade of anger and reproach at those people who spoke up today with their snide remarks.  In truth, this time it was Hope, shooting from her corner her interrogations of who needs to be of what merit to do the things they’re doing.  It has been argued that one has to take design to be one of several production crew members.  It’s in the Constitution…it is a fact.  Wrong.  Once again, people flaunting the power of a constitution they have not even read.

And this all comes up because I have said that I’m designing my own show.  Hope and many others look down on me for that.  They believe I can’t do it.  They won’t say it directly, but they think it and show it.  The fact of the matter is, I can design my own show.  It’s not hard.  It is not hard.  People will stand up and say, “Oh, don’t say that Brad.  It’s more challenging then you know.”  But the fact of the matter is nothing is hard or impossible if you are willing to invest effort and time into it.  Nothing.  NOTHING.

I just simply want to say the words that I feel inside, instead of bottling them up the way I always do.  People make the mistake of thinking I’m an overly vocal member of the theatre department.  I’m relatively restrained, because I know what helps and what hurts.  And some things are just simply done to make a person feel better about themselves.  That’s what insulting does.  It makes people feel superior to others.  So I have refrained.  I’ve confessed shows have been awful, but I don’t tell people directly.  I won’t tell a director that their show is awful until afterwards, because telling them in the process does nothing.  Offering advice I will do.  But simply telling them they’re stupid or crazy is a waste of everyone’s time.  It’s the one thing about Simon Cowell…he rarely gives advice, he just insults. 

But my speech…my speech…I just wanted simply to say to Hope after she told me I was wrong, that I couldn’t design my own show, that we have to adhere to the rules, I just simply wanted to throw the constitution at her and say:

Here.  I dare you.  I DARE you to find somewhere in there a place where it states the requirements of the production council.  I DARE you to prove that my statement was wrong, the way you have said it was.  I DARE you.  And if you do not find it, I DEMAND of you to apologize here and now for publicly trying to humiliate me despite my insistence that you are wrong.  Because you are wrong.  Look.  Go ahead.  Look.  Prove me wrong. 

I don’t know what it is about me that some people here just hate…perhaps it is my superiority…perhaps it is my confidence…perhaps it is my blunt honesty about the state of this department and the students in it…but the fact of the matter is I have done nothing to deserve you to hate me.  I have certainly done things you don’t have to agree with….I have certainly done things that you mght not like…but don’t hate me for that.  The fact of the matter is, I’ve also done a lot of good for this department.  I have invested my last three years to it…President of Masquers, VP of APO, actor, director, helped with tech stuff and light hangs, publicity and ushering.  I have supported and seen every show here for the last three years with the exception of one.  I have worked hard to develop more theatre and bring in new students…whose brought in more new students to the department then me?  Nobody.  I’m sorry, but we get our influx of kids, but I’m the one out there trying to draw people back.  Casey, Pete, Nikki, Jen, etc. etc.  I’m out there billing this department despite its shortcomings, I’m the one aspiring for something great.  Nobody is trying to help the department like me.  The rest of you are helping yourselves.  There’s nothing wrong with that, but don’t you DARE believe that I’m doing this for myself, because I’m gone in a year to hopefully bigger, better places.  And I’ve gotten really good and not looking back.

I have heard nay-sayers left and right about my show.  I’ve been blatantly told I was crazy, stupid, and arrogant.  That my show would never succeed the way I envision it.  People say they’re trying to help me not be a fool.  Well please please please stop helping me.  I don’t need your helpful talk.  What I need is help working to make it a good show.  You want me to not look like a fool, then invest the time making me right.  Not making me wrong.  I will look like a much bigger fool if I simply just back down when a couple people poo-poo my ideas rather then if I try for something great and come out with something mediocre. 

I’m reminded of the slogan that we had one year at graduation: Shoot for the moon, because even if you fall short, you’ll end up with the stars.”  I thought that was cheesy, but it’s true.  People here are shooting the dirt at their feet.  I disagree completely with Wayne’s belief that theatre is just something you do simplistically.  I disagree completely that we should aim for something easy to do.  The day we start aiming for what we can do to make money and do simply is the day we stop being a college theatre, and we start becoming a business.  We are not a business.  We are here to provide opportunities for people to try to achieve their dreams in an environment safe from major repercussions.  We are here to provide opportunities for people to test the limits of their skills before they go out into the real world.  We are here to make GREAT theatre and encourage great theatre designers and actors.  WE ARE NOT HERE TO GIVE ANY FUCKER A CHANCE TO JUST DO IT….

I’m spent.  I’m tired.  I’ve had a long day and it’s only going to get longer.