Shatter

So we had another rehearsal for Cinderella and for one of the first nights in a while, I don’t feel too bad. I know why, really….I got a compliment I’ve been receiving a lot of lately. Now, I’m sure nameless parties who I’m sure you’ll figure out probably won’t like me writing this. But anyway, we were finishing up the opening number where I….the mighty herald, sing. Anyway, he called the women over and Nancy told me to go sing if John wanted me to, he didn’t…but that’s besides the point. He asked if anyone else wanted to sing a second soprano line and I goofily raised my hand. He ignored me and I fake sniffed and said, I think I should be a girl. Then someone turned to me and said “I think you should be prince charming.” I’ve heard this a lot lately, I’m not sure why. Whether they think Greg is bad at it or they don’t like him, I’ve heard that from a lot of young people in the play and not. I take it as a compliment myself, and since Greg I’m sure wouldn’t defend me, I don’t really defend him. I just say that Greg will do fine and thank them. If I had to hazard a guess at why they say it, I’d wager it’s cuz they don’t like Greg as a person….I’ve heard a lot of people who I won’t name talk to me about the fact that they don’t like Greg and don’t understand how we’re brothers(besides the looks) I don’t know, Greg and I always seemed to get along as best as brothers could and I’d rather not take sides or make speculations, Greg really doesn’t like me even mentioning him in here. But well, this is my diary, so I write what I want. Though Greg seems to have figured out how to get into my diary cuz he changed an entry a while back and that bothered me…but oh well. Onto the poem/lyric for tonight….

The pain hurts so bad,

I think I’m bleeding

The anger rises more and more,

It’s all this unneeded needing.

All the wants and desires,

So often denied me,

Keep beating through my head,

They just won’t let me be.

And I grit my teeth,

And I buckle down,

My soul holds on tighter,

And my breath becomes lighter,

I feel the fire beneath,

Surging from the underground,

Of life and death I think the latter,

Soon will overwhelm me and I’ll shatter.

My eyes are blurring,

I feel the gutshot aching more,

The blood seeping cross my skin,

And I’m thrown overboard.

And I sink beneath the waves,

I struggle up again and again,

Foolish that I didn’t learn to swim,

Cuz I don’t have friends to lend a hand.

And I grit my teeth,

And I buckle down,

My soul holds on tighter,

And my breath becomes lighter,

I feel the fire beneath,

Surging from the underground,

Of life and death I think the latter,

Soon will overwhelm me and I’ll shatter.

And the pieces scatter,

As I begin to shatter,

I feel the burning pain,

It won’t do me good to scream again

As I rip apart inside out,

Cut through by worry, burned by doubt,

And my head is reeling,

I’ve lost all feeling,

I’m growing number as I sink down,

Into the flames from the underground,

Of life and death I think the latter,

Has caused me to give in and shatter.

No real reason why,

Just nothing to do but die….

Nothing left to say but idle chatter,

So I might as well give in and shatter.