Patience Vs. Complacency

I’m not really sure what is motivating me to write this entry, it just entered my head and I thought about it while in the shower and then on my way to work, and work is boring today, so I’m writing here about patience and complacency. 

Patience is tolerating something that one would rather not tolerate, but must in order for something better to be achieved that would fail if patience was not exhibitted.  I think of dealing with parents a lot when I think of having patience, not parents dealing with children, because that is always impatience generally confused through the deluded adult mind.  I think of children dealing with their parents.  You see, for parents, they MUST deal with their children because they brought them into this world and it is their responsibility, unwanted though it may be, it is a MUST.  The resentment and hatred caused by this and the failed expectations of a parent wanting their children to bring them fame, glory, and eternal gratitude is what makes so many people bad parents.  They do not expect their children to be human but be some evolutionary next step.  Children do not NEED to deal with their parents however, their lives have not yet been determined, their goals not yet fully formed, their potential raw and possibly infinite.  While a parent abandoning a child is despicable, I believe that a child leaving a parent is nothing more than a natural part of the world order, especially when that parent is not treating the child well.

It truly is all about the child.  It makes me angry to think that parents expect compromise, but perhaps it is my logic talking.  The child did not ask to be brought into this world and expectations of grandeur placed upon it, it did not ask to look and act the way it does, it is simply being human, choosing its path.  That path may be failure, but a parent must remember that the failure is the child’s choice and it is not the parent’s responsibility to decide their child’s life like some sort of benevolent God.

Patience is also tolerating someone who you want to like and love doing something you do not care for.  A friend not calling you and leaving you to call them all the time, a friend breaking a date, a loved one saying hurtful things, any one’s constant ignoring of your desires and joys while demanding you to pursue and entertain theirs…the lack of friends and loves to compromise.  Anyone you care for lying to you.  There are numerous, a list would be a waste of time and words. 

And while patience is the better thing, it still expects a change from someone.  It still waits and hopes for alterations, perhaps waiting for unspoken demands to be made — an unfair thing, or in other cases, perhaps the demands have been made and the person is waiting to see whether the person agrees to them or refuses them. 

Complacency is accepting things that one does not like and simply removing any attachment to them.  Complacency is saying, "Well, I do not like this, but I also do not care."  It is funny that at times, I’m not sure which of the two is more the virtue.  To care deeply for someone or something, to desire them to fulfill you in a certain way they do not, is to be so unfairly demanding, like a parent with their child.  With other relationships, however, the obligation is less solid….two people in love can be torn apart by differences, by the one being unfulfilled, promised things or expecting things that will never be or at least, do not transpire within a reasonable realm of time.  And yet, to expect people to be who they are and to remain unfulfilled, to not care at all that the person you are with hurts you or knowingly goes against your joys and desires is also a terrible thing.  At least in my opinion.

And how far does one person compromise before it is no longer compromise at all?  How far can a person let the other change before it becomes an unfair demand?  Why is it that our relationships do not work like a key and a keyhole, like two puzzle pieces locking together perfectly to make a single picture, and more like reassembling the continents to form Pangaea.  We do not fit together perfectly, so we can either leave the rifts between us and the things that have eroded away and cannot be brought back, or we can crush ourselves together to fit and destroy a few little pieces of each of our wholes so that we are unified.  Which is better?  Which is worse?  Can we really expect that there is a person out there that is the key for our keyhole, that can complete the picture without sacrifice?

I do not think that it is so.  I do, however, think that we far too often sacrifice too much of ourselves, that there is always one person who is willing and another person who become immediately complacent and tacit.  I have felt this about most all of my relationships.  I insist that I will do for them what they wish, that I will give them what they desire and enjoy, and over time they not only come to expect it, they demand more of it from me and deny me my own desires because I do not ask with great insistance or firmness.  I am jelly.  I wish to make people feel loved in a way I do not feel loved by anyone.  And at times, certainly, I have felt that dream love that I wish for, fleeting often because I do not believe that people know what they are doing or saying.

I want to be respected and adored, but I do not want it unconditionally.  But I also do not want to be completely refuted all the time.  I do not like not being trusted, being told I am wrong about my opinions, about the nature of my heart…about thinking someone is beautiful or someone is intelligent or someone is adorable….and perhaps it is because I think I’ve only dated two women older than me that I feel this way.  I spend a lot of time seeking out intelligent people to be with me, intelligent people to be my friends, and almost always with great intelligence comes arrogance since everyone has encountered so much stupidity in their life.

Anyway, I’ve lost where I’m going with all this.  Work is sapping my energy.  I suppose you’ll all have to think about this yourself.