On Valentine’s

It’s been a while since I wrote.  I had an idea last night of what I would write here today, but that mood has gone completely away and been replaced by, unfortunately, a not so pleasant one.  Lately, I have woken up exhausted and the mornings have not helped situations.  Driving an hour in monotonous traffic and then staring at a computer screen while trying desperately to fill four hours with a very light and easy workload is a strain.  I have resorted once more to sometimes running downstairs and crashing in the bathroom.  The mini-siesta helps, but then it’s followed by a 30 minute drive home in the warm sun and I get home and want to sleep. 

However, two days this week I have woken up blissfully refreshed.  The last day I did this turned out to be a disaster.  Today has all the makings of greatness, I get to go see Kristen and celebrate her birthday and Valentine’s day with her.  I get a 3 day weekend that should be fun.  I feel bad that I was unable to find anything amazing for her for Valentine’s Day that would express to her how much she means to me.  I have resorted to the smallest of things and my words, which are not good enough right now. 

But there is something bothering me right now.  Something I can’t, no, won’t discuss here.  Not now.  Perhaps another time.  It is troubling a day that should be golden.  It follows so quickly on the heels of a bad dream that was, in so many ways so real, that I had to think about whether I woke in the middle of the night to have the happenings occur or if it was in fact a dream. 

We will see what happens.  I owe this diary an honest and in depth update of things.  Perhaps after this upcoming weekend.  Perhaps.