Never the Same

I’m feeling really swell right now, actually.  Swinging back around.  Caring a little less, getting back into the groove of me that I really like and enjoy.  The upbeat me.  Yeah, I have problems, so does the rest of the world.  Who cares if a lot of people are self absorbed idiots, who cares if the worlds morals have gone crazy, who cares if everyone’s frame of reference is completely out of joint?

I care.  But what the fuck am I going to do about it?  Lament.  Fuck it.  I’m going to care about it and do what I can, but at the end of the day, you can’t make people do anything and you shouldn’t want to either.  They will choose what they choose and I guess I’m laying my hopes that I’m aiming towards decency and betterment and that the people who are slowly furthering themselves from my own point of view are heading towards depravity and the status quo.  I can’t trust it, but I have to just go with it.

I feel more and more like writing again.  Don’t know when I’ll really get back into the swing of things, but hopefully soon.  I hope Wayne responds back again, I think I might make some minor adjustments to the play anyway, even though he loved it. 

You know, trying to be great for someone is a lot of work.  I think I may just have come to realized that I can’t be great for everybody, because most of them are going to take it for granted.  They’re going to demand of you, they’re going to ignore you because they know they can get away with it, they’re going to let it go to their heads, and then you’re going to look at all the things you don’t want to do (but you’re doing anyway because you are trying to help or trying to care or trying to make them happy or trying to keep them as your friend) and you’re going to get really fucking angry.  And what’s the point of that?  Let them be, be a little less for some and a little more for a select few others.  It’ll be healthier.  Because, no matter how hard you try to be great, the other terrible, awful, horriifying fact is that for all the great things you do, there’s going to be somebody in their life who can kick them in the face and then tell a joke and be right along side of you in importance. 

Because human beings are stupid fucking creatures with no sight beyond a small bubble.  This is a generalization.  There are exceptions.  Always are.  And there are always moments where each person does something stupid, too.  But oh well.  At least I can say I made a mistake and go back to being me, whereas most other people are being themselve already.  Kind of scary to think about.

Short entry.  Don’t have time to waste on preachy words about blah blah blah.  Most people don’t want to hear me talk at them and most people won’t tolerate it.  Hell, they won’t even accept it as a part of me.  Change change change.  Well, I’m done changing so enjoy it or go away.

Oh, and I’d just like to say that I hate feeling the urge to swear, but I’ve been swearing a lot more lately.  There are only two things I can’t stand, an overabundance of profanity in daily speech or an overabundance of like young teen crap lingo, like "I’m chill."  Ughhhh.  Disgusting.  If you tried to get these same kids to study the varied forms of English over centuries they’d complain about the waste of time.  I complain about the waste of time filling our language with slang.