Midas Touch

I feel like King Midas.  I feel like everything I touch turns to gold and "oh how wonderful," but it’s just a nightmare.  How could it all have gone so god damn wrong?  Look, I’m not looking for pity and I’m not complaining either.  I’m just expressing, getting a bit of it out of me so that it’s not all bottled up inside. 

Today is filled with fraud.  I’ve got the bogus stoplight violation to deal with, writing up my Written Declaration to the courts, I’ve got to deal with an ebay/paypal fraud who I bought something from and who is now saying that he was hacked into — his ebay account, email, and paypal…which is all bullshit and 780 dollars of my money is floating out there waiting to be recovered.  The shocks on my car are going I believe, so I need to get those fixed, woohoo.

And then of course, the big one, this double team.  She says I’m deluded, a liar, and despicable.  That really doesn’t sound much like me.  I’ve never done this before to anybody, why would I have started?  I’m so adamant against this kind of thing…I’m so for clear delineations and communication in relationships.  I’ve never cheated.  Kate thinks I have.  Kate feels it important that I didn’t tell her Dana and I slept together.  Maybe it was.  But I didn’t say we didn’t either.  I just avoided the issue.  Why?  Cuz it was none of her business as far as I was concerned.  If I was going to cheat, thank you very much, I probably would’ve done it more than once with Dana since I had plenty of opportunity, not implying she’s a slut, just saying we spent a lot of evenings together. 

She also thinks that Stephanie and I sleeping together was cheating on her.  Which is also a load of BS.  I don’t want sympathy, I don’t want pity, but thank you readers who are still here reading and such.  I hope you have faith in me and I’m sorry that I let Kate and Dana down.  I really am.  I don’t know what more I can do.  I don’t know what else I could have done.  I’m so angry right now. 

I’m done with relationships altogether.  I don’t want them anymore.  I’m just going to write right here in my room and watch movies and live a solitary life.  I’m broken.  I’ve been broken for years and years and I was hoping to be fixed, but I was right when I told Stephanie that what I am is irreparable. 

Have a good day everyone, try and tell the people you care about you love them.  I’m sorry for this entry, but I needed it for me and if anything, I guess I’m selfish and indulgent.