I’ve Always Got to be the Bad Guy

Unlike most entries, I encourage everyone not to continue reading this one, since it’s just a way to cathartically expel all this frustration with my current situation and it may even leave you confused if you don’t know everything that’s going on.  But because I practice restraint and calm even in the face of blatant and blunt stupidity, ignorance, and inconsiderate behavior, this leaves a lot of pent-up aggression.  So this entry is an outlet.

How completely self-absorbed and ungreatful can you people be?!  Seriously.  It seems completely beyond me that you could think for one second that you deserve some sort of preferential treatment, some catering to just because you have a contract with me to live in the house I’m subletting.  Jesus.  The contract tells you what is required, what you can and cannot do, and no where in it does it say that you can come to me demanding more of anything, less of another.  It is not my job to provide you with cable internet or tv.  It’s not my job to get you another fridge, or a grill, or get rid of my broken car sitting out back as it has nothing to do with your living situation or when you arrived.   I didn’t say another fridge is on its way…I said, learn to share. 

But you can’t.  You’re a bunch of selfish pricks.  Only my brother seems to be above it…seems to appreciate and be respectful of everything.  Of course he takes a pacifist approach and tries to stay out of everything.  But the rest of you? 

I told you no pets.  No pets in the contract.  Then, you wanted a puppy and I bent over backwards trying to work with the owners to figure it out.  And then you, Courtney, bitched that you didn’t want a puppy chewing your furniture.  And then what do you do months later after I say no dogs?  No dogs because you don’t want one in the house?  You drag a puppy home and try to tell me it has to stay.  So I go to the owners and I work with them.  It seems easy…keep the place clean, pay them a security deposit.  You’ve blown a month of their good graces and hurt my relationship with them by being a stupid and irresponsible.  I know you enough to know that you’re not a mean person.  You’re just careless.  It’s almost pitiable how completely oblivious you are to other people’s feelings and situations….but fuck it, now I have to be the bad guy because i got chewed on by the owner of the house again.  And you try to come at me with the rest of them about getting a bigger water heater, etc.

Excuse me?  I didn’t want this house to be turned into a weekend haven for three of your shiftless friends, or a home for your boyfriend, or a place to shit up all the time.  You want me to get a bigger water heater?  Screw you!  You let your friends do their laundry in our house.  You shit up the place and never clean.  Empty promises about hiring a maid to come in….go fuck yourself.

And there is only one person in the entire house who has paid me rent continuously on time.  I’ve had to go to the owners with my own money every god damn month.  Financial risk everytime.  And you all act like I can count on you.  Well, it’s the 17th and I’m still missing your utility money Kim.  You who has a list of things for me to clear up.  Well fuck that.  Patch the hole in your room yourself.  It’s a hole in the wall.  It’s not crucial, it’s simply something you don’t like.  I don’t have to pander to your vanity.  Not one bit.  You took the room as it was.  And Greg is handy, he should’ve patched it….why didn’t he?  You don’t want him to do it.  You want to make me jump through hoops.  No.  No no no no no.

I’ve tried to go out of my way for people.  I spot them the money for rent when they need it, for legitimate reasons or not.  Losing your job is not a legitimate reason by the way.  Not having the money because you loaned it to your brother and didn’t have any back-up for when the 1st came isn’t legitimate.  You forget your checkbook at work?  Pay me tomorrow, no problem.  You forget your checkbook for four months in a row…now we have an issue.  A big one.  And you guys party your asses off and come home early in the morning and wake me up with your asshole friends and let 6 people crash evenings in the house and leave the place filthy.  And let’s not even get started about the fact that you bitch over things fully disclosed when you moved in.  You knew how many people were in the house.  You knew that the internet wouldn’t work in the back room, but you moved in anyway.  And now you want ME to fix it.  I have to buy stronger routers, repeaters, I have to make sure everything’s working…I have to move my furniture around and get another fridge and another grill.  Screw that.  Screw all of it.

And you all start dating in the house, dating each other.  And that is something else that’s supposed to be good?  I’ve got roommates contemplating leaving the place over break-ups and cheating on each other etc etc.  It’s 24/7 drama.  And then you want me to hang out with you more.  You want me to socialize and watch movies and bond with you Jag offs.  No.  No, I don’t want to come watch a movie downstairs where it’s dirty, and messy, and there is a dog that chews and bites cuz she isn’t well trained and who isn’t even supposed to be there, in the company of several people who don’t even live here while you guys eat Jack in the Box or Taco Bell or chinese and all I can think while I’m sitting there is "here’s another piece of trash that’s going to sit in the living room until I pick it up or Greg does.  Greg who does the dishes everyday, sometimes twice.  You girls clean up the kitchen every other week maybe….and by girls I mean Suzin with sometimes Kim….and you think you deserve an award.  Nate thinks he should get a god damn trophy for taking out the trash.  I feel like killing half of you in your sleep.  It’s probably the only logical conclusion since you’ve got your heads too far up your asses to be able to see how rude and obnoxious you are.

And Kristen’s moving, and my first compulsion is to try and ease the tension on you guys having someone else move in.  I lay out a few things, reduced rent, a few things I’ll buy to spruce up the place and accomodate everyone.  That’s my first compulsion.  Where’s that same good will back? 

And despite it all, I like you guys.  I seem able to compartmentalize everything so that even though you treat me like crap, I recognize that if it wasn’t me, in the situation I’m in, you’d probably be all swell people.  In fact, if I was one of the other roommates and it was someone else’s problem…we’d be dandy.  We’d hang out downstairs and you’d bitch about whoever ELSE was running the house and I’d sit there in silence thinking you’re kind of a prick but have good qualities.

Relax.  Breathe.  Ok.  I’m better now.  Have to be the bad guy tonight.  Courtney’s dog has got to go.  Courtney too if she can’t get rid of the dog quickly.

Sigh.