It’s a Sad, Funny Little World

I find that I’m trying to reconnect with people who desperately want me to leave them alone.

I find that, to me, not getting to know a person is like losing a piece of myself, both getting to know someone new, or getting to keep knowing about somebody else.  I find that the greatest emotion I feel besides joy (which constitutes about 80% of my life) is not loneliness, but loss and sorrow.  Not a sorrow that is depression, but a sorrow almost metaphysical in nature.

I find that the people who do stay in my life I am blessed to know, but I continue to want to know more people and share in their lives, or at least know that they remember me or even think fondly of me.  I’m not really looking for their approval, in the end, I don’t know what it is that I’m looking for because at the same time I don’t give a damn whether anybody I know or have known likes me or not.  I do what I do and that’s all there is to it.  Certainly I try not to hurt people, but I never hold back from doing what I want to do. 

I guess I just think that the world should be about more than yourself, and that most people will one day find themselves lonely and wonder where their friends are.  And they will never really even think that they had somebody who wanted to be there for them all along.  Isn’t that strange and funny and sad?

Time for more beer.