Immaturity

Dictionary.com describes immaturity as a lack of full development of character.  it says other things about acting juvenile and childish, but it’s very difficult in my opinion to delineate what is childish and what is juvenile in our society based on the fact that much that I would think is foolish is things many adults do quite frequently more than children.  I also believe that a lot of things can be read one way or another based on one’s attitude going into a situation, which is in my personal opinion as immature as you can get .  Walk through the door with your eyes open and see what there is to see, don’t go through expecting things to be a certain way and making them so.

I have always believed I walked into situations the majority of the time with my eyes open.  It’s a difficult assertion to make since people can argue that I simply assume that and act like it when I’m not aware of my own blindness, but there it is, another opinion that everyone has to make for themselves.  I think immaturity is also a lack of full development of thought…which is I think is a more commonly observed phenomenon.  Where someone takes their logic to a certain step and then ceases to continue because where they have arrived is what they believed going into a situation.  Everyone is guilty of all bad things, but I believe there are degrees of them.  I believe we must each be judged on our degrees.  I feel that I’m personally pretty vain…that, if I had to choose, would be my worst sin.  I’m sure others might say it is arrogance, which I think is a close second, but it’s hard for me to call myself arrogant when I’m right so much of the time.  I guess you’re not supposed to say that, you’re just supposed to be quiet about it.  But this world is all about being loud in order to be heard about anything, and if you don’t say what you’re good at, you’ll just be ignored.  Cynical?  Yes.  But true. 

Take for instance enjoying life and living it with purpose.  Unless you are avidly doing something with fireworks attached to it, people think you are mundane.  Nevermind what might be going on under the surface.  That’s a difficult part about being out here and auditioning for film as an "actor" or "director."  A lot of the time it’s just sending resumes and headshots and submitting for things that may or may not come to fruition and then people stand behind you and yell at you when you say you might get a part and then don’t as if you were lying and then when you keep your mouth shut you’re lazy.  A good example of this sort of mentality can be seen in John Turturro’s family in "Cradle Will Rock."  I would like to say now, for the record, because I’m not above putting it down and responding to criticism, that I’m tired of hearing people out here call themselves "actors" when they’ve done nothing.  And in all fairness, I have never yet called myself an actor to anyone out here.  Anyone.  When I told my boss my plans for the weekend he was shocked to know I act.  That’s because I’m not an actor now.  I WAS an actor before.  Now, I’m a writer.  I’m an aspiring actor/director sure, but am I them?  Not yet.  Not now.  That’s the fact, that’s what is waiting on the other side of the door when your eyes are open.

Am I immature?  No.  I am not immature.  I know who I am.  Others can’t say the same thing.  They say they’re lost but they’re good at judging and telling people what they are and what they’re doing.

Dictionary.com defines a hypocrite as "a person who pretends to have virtues, moral or religious beliefs, principles, etc., that he or she does not actually possess, esp. a person whose actions belie stated beliefs." or "a person who feigns some desirable or publicly approved attitude, esp. one whose private life, opinions, or statements belie his or her public statements."

Am I a hypocrite?  No.  I do not pretend to have virtues or beliefs that I do not follow through with constantly.  I do not feign a certain attitude in front of anyone other than what I’m feeling exactly.  I’m not the one with the cheshire grin and the witty remarks when I’m upset inside because I’m afraid people won’t like me for being like that.  I’m not the one surrounding myself with people I inwardly hate and disrespect just in case they might respect me so that I can feel good about myself.  I am not the one who spoke words that were untrue, that were not fought for, that were not meant deeply and acted upon with the same deep meaning. 

We all have momentary weakness, and it most frequently comes when we are in the most dire situation and when the ramifications have the most import.  Yet, we must recognize our mistakes and feel badly for them.  It is not enough to just shrug them off and move on.  The past is not just the past, it is the maker of the present and an indicator to the future.

What is all this?  It is a rallying cry for Stormie and I, and maybe Kate if she still reads this, and my new reader who I’m thankful for, and Nancy….it is a cry to state that we have to stop trying singularly to expect the world to be what we want it to.  If you want to make changes, you must use the avenues created and remodel them when you have the power…I hate all this ridiculous bullshit about people just being EXACTLY who they are, damn the consequences of their actions and damn everyone else’s opinion.  Most of the time, this is people reacting to a failed desire to achieve love from the world around them…but that failure comes from an unwillingness to bend to the wills of others.  The world is compromise and compassion.  The world is about sacrificing personal pride for the betterment of everyone.  If you have been wronged you must let go of it, but if you wrong someone you MUST atone for it….and MEAN it.  We can’t trust anyone in this world anymore until they’ve earned it.  Faith is too early lost to bullies, to the immature young and the immature old, to the hypocrites…but we each must strive to give faith, and we must each, if we truly wish to respect ourselves in the field of vision that places us as a singular person amongst millions of others, handle that faith with the utmost care and reverence.  Not throw it away when it becomes a burden.

Today is a strange day for me.  I have realized that I can love despicable people.  I’m not sure if that’s good or bad.  I don’t think that’s hypocritical but maybe it is.  I will admit that in this area, right now, I am unsure and it needs more thought so pardon the following ramble.  Stormie, I’m sure you’ll say you don’t know really the answer, but your opinion is as good, everyone who reads this can give their opinion.  Is it better to adhere to your values fully, to believe in things with a passion that denotes "right" and "wrong," that doing something horrible to someone else without remorse should be something that drives a person from your field of reference and association…or is it better to love them anyway?  No.  No.  I can’t love despicable people.  It’s not ri

ght to the other people in this world who I love for all their good, like you Stormie.  Like Nancy.  Like Brittany.  Hell, I can tolerate a lot of things that I don’t think are wise moves as long as I feel people trying to be better…but there are some people I don’t see that in.  For all the battles we’ve had, if I look carefully at everything that Kate does, I think she is striving to be a good person.  I think she IS a good person.  I disagree with things she has done to me personally, but relationships and getting in and out of them is a hard thing to deal with.  I don’t know now whether I’ve just been lucky all these years up until Kate and Stephanie or whether it’s just that in these two particular cases, the personalities just could not handle each other. 

I’m sorry for robbing you of your opinions fair readers.  But I’ll leave you with a different question, one that I have an answer to that works for me, but I’d like your own opinions…I have never been above changing my mind despite what certain people think.

How do you tell someone the honest truth when you know they cannot handle it?  Do you tell them anyway?  Do you say everything or do you tell them bit by bit or do you not tell them at all?