Faith Gone, Instilled, Gone, Instilled

And surprisingly not about love.

But that is another entry hopefully for later this week. Well hello all you devoted readers who have all but faded from the planet.

I find myself continuing this chronicle of my life despite the fact that throughout the last several years I’ve gone through more readers than Ben Affleck has gone through one-dollar-bills at a strip club. Nevertheless, I must continue because I hope one day someone who appreciates the diary, nay, actually is interested in my life, comes and reads all about me growing up.

It is indeed amazing to think that I have been a writer on this diary for about four or five years now. That’s a really long time and I’m quite shocked that I’ve survived this long, going from several places with absolutely no internet connections at all.

Perhaps it helped that my writing circle died, so that I did feel what it would be like to lose all the work that had been so joyfully been poured into every entry…..ah it is too bad that those writers decided it was time to stop writing.

Sometimes I feel like making a new one….a very different kind of one. Maybe I will if I get internet at my apartment rather than just having to poke in here, here being the school, to check to make sure everything else still exists.

On to the main topic of my entry, however. Writing.

I’ve always been one who sets out to write something and always ends up writing something entirely different then what I started with…..sometimes it’s more brilliant….usually not as intriguing. My fault has always been that I will find some great idea for a single moment in a play or screenplay or novel and then I will try to write an entire story around that one idea…..and more ideas flow into my brain, but they are always those ideas that are just too far out of reach for me to use anytime in the near future of the story being created. That’s why my first damn novel is soooo long. I had to detail all the characters and create a sense that what was happening was as important as it was….but anyway…I digress.

I find myself often reading over things I’ve written and finding myself vacillating between joy and hate. I don’t know why, but within the last seven days I’ve read and reread my absurdist musical several times, each time moving to the opposite end of the love-hate spectrum. Right now I stand on the good side….tomorrow, probably the bad. Who knows.

The big thing about it is it’s Three Acts and has about 23 musical numbers in it, maybe more. That’s a very large, grandiose musical…..and even the set and design is grandiose. This is the kind of Broadway musical that would debut there solely because no other place could afford to do it. Such is my natural disposition for trying to please the audience with spectacle as much as wit.

Well, I guess I just had to vent that little thing because not much else is going on in my life. We are preparing for school to begin, everybody’s coming back and the year promises to be a blast.

We shall see…..it all hinges upon love of course.

And that hinge shall soon be tested. Let us hope it opens the door and does not break.