And Brad Talks about Problems.

I don’t know what to call this entry, maybe I’ll figure out by the time I’m done writing it down. I’m gonna continue the Tyre’Negoth thing since I already know where it’s all heading and everything but I’m really lazy and want to get to the exciting ending and the tragedy and the heroism and cool shiznit though describing battle scenes in poem form is difficult…anyhoo.

Homefires is over, cool. Cinderella starts soon, hope my part can be hammed up since it’s one of those kinds of parts worth hamming. I’ve got the script for “Moon Over Buffalo” and my question is: “Why all of a sudden do I have to kiss every woman in every show I do and why do I always gets the parts with nudity, bondage, and other such embarrasing points….it’s all a conspiracy.

Just watched “Sexy Beast” which supposedly was supposed to show off Ben Kingsley as a bad-ass. I’m sorry but he didn’t have enough of a part to be that bad of a bad-ass unless the DVD skipped…I mean HELLOOOOO…his part was almost as small as Samuel L. Jackson’s in “The Deep Blue Sea.” Yikes!!

Got my two lower wisdom teeth taken out, thought I was dying there for a moment, especially when they put me under cuz everything went all yellow and I heard my heart-rate go whizzing up the monitor and the dentist guy was like asking me if I was ok and I just felt all dizzy and helpless and finally he gave me a good thumping upside the head and I went “Woo.” Back into the world…..everyone remember that in case you see someone dying…..thump in the head. If they go “Woo”….success!

Writing a lot of script stuff lately, plotting a lot of it too. I want to act so badly and do movies but I’m so young and you try coming up with a hundred plays you could pull off with nothing but a hand-held video camera, bad editting equipment, and a bunch of teenager actors….all my scripts involve something spectacularly technical, but I have a few on the docket…MUST WORK QUICKLY!

Everyone’s ragging on me…Brad get a job…Brad get a job…I’m working! Everybody is turning me down because whatever jobs I could get usually ask for evenings and acting interferes with it so I go to the ones left after that and they’re people my Dad sued, or my Dad screwed, or my Dad just doesn’t want me to work for. Perhaps tomorrow I’ll go and do a couple more interviews….

Lastly:love. You know how hard it is? I gotta get something off my chest, I wish I could say it and I wish that everyone who knew me could read it, especially anyone I”m interested in whether they know it or not, past or present. You know, I realize what I am….I’m a romantic, but not completely….I’m hypocritical. I believe in sacrificing everything for someone I love, but I won’t give up my dreams, I wouldn’t for Rachel, and I still won’t do it for her. I still won’t ask her out again even though she keeps dropping hints when I talk to her because she doesn’t want to go where I’m going. And I want someone who is. And I know a person who I really, really like…but I don’t know how to tell them. You know how hard it is for me? Because I know there will always be this awkwardness, you never get around it….because when I give it a shot, I give it my ALL…my ALL. And then all of my self is lost in it. I was thinking about her last night, I was thinking about what I wanted to say, I wanted to say this really long eloquent speech which just flowed off my tongue and that’s what’s so amazing about when I fall for someone, I’m so lucky to find people who it’s so easy to compliment. Anyway…I thought I’d write it here, because I know that the world is no longer romantic. People don’t say things like, “I want to spend more time with you because, because your eyes are like two beaming diamonds that radiate a light so pure it makes me want to cry…that’s not what I was going to say, but nobody says shit like that because it just scares the opposite sex. It sets off this alarm in the head: “Renaissance WIERDO here…back-off! Back-off! WARNING!” And you watch these dopy romantic movies and they’re so stupid cuz even the girls in the audience who croon and say I wish a guy would do that to me wouldn’t be aroused one bit.