All Right

It’s interesting. Last night was the start of Cinderella, a play that I have a feeling is going to be pretty awkward. Thing is, Greg and Keith are in it, and I enjoy their company, but they don’t much care for mine. So they go off and do their things and I don’t have exactly the most charming personality in comparison with them. So I have a feeling I’ll be just relaxing by myself and doing my part. Yes yes….ohhhh well. The next play doesn’t have Greg in it, so I’m glad. I like Greg, but he just overshadows me…..not on stage..;)…but off.

I talked to Katie P. tonight. Wow, that’s been a long time since I talked. We ended up talking about how much our lives mutually suck…;) My mind keeps fluctuating between extremes of emotions about things. See, I’m beginning to lose it, methinks…;) In the morning I’m fine and hopeful, but when night sets in everything begins to look bleak. This never happened at college, I’m sure it’s this f’in house that drives me insane. It reminds me of all the years I got beat on and failed at everything and my parents are here to remind me of how worthless they think I am and to remind myself that I hate myself for needing their help to pay for college. I wish I was independent, and I though I would argue it takes more strength to lean on the enemy, I wish I had the strength needed to walk away….or at least the means to be all right by walking away. But I don’t.

Still no job…which I don’t understand….I apply, but nothing seems to happen…oohhhh well. Next year I’m going to probably abandon the Barn for the season and work in River Falls theatre, where I get paid. I love the barn, but what’s sad is that my parents ruin everything. I wouldn’t keep a girlfriend who lived here cuz I didn’t want to need to come back, I didn’t keep a job here cuz I didn’t want to need to come back. And even my love for the Red Barn theatre and the great roles it always gives me is not enough to get me to come back. That I think is the greatest tragedy…..and my parents don’t even think a thing is wrong, other than that I’m a lazy, stupid, burdensome son.

Ok…so now I got another poem/lyric to write.

Hey there, friend,

Don’t cry for me,

I’m standing at the edge,

But I won’t leap,

I just want to see.

All the things,

All the people,

Who love, who dream,

Who wish, who achieve.

It’s not my mother,

And all the things she said,

To make me feel so little,

My heart can’t be that brittle,

Or else I’d already be dead.

It’s not my father,

And all the things he did,

To make me never believe in me,

I still have faith to fight on,

I’ll never be that worthless kid.

I’m all right,

Won’t give up tonight,

There’s more of me left to fight,

I won’t run away in bitter fright,

Cuz no matter what they say,

I’ll always be all right.

Sometimes I forget why,

I fight on, why I ever care,

And that’s what you see,

And it makes you afraid for me,

But I’ll never jump from there.

All the dreams,

All the hopes,

I have, I hold so dear,

I will achieve, never fear.

I’m all right,

Won’t give up tonight,

There’s more of me left to fight,

I won’t run away in bitter fright,

Cuz no matter what they say,

I’ll always be all right.

Nobody’s gonna keep me down,

Beat my soul til it bleeds,

I’m too hardened,

I’ve grown too strong

But it’s no tragedy to me.

Because each day I endure,

Is one day closer to my dreams,

And I won’t stop running

Through the pouring rain,

Because nothing will stop my beliefs.

I’m all right,

Won’t give up tonight,

There’s more of me left to fight,

I won’t run away in bitter fright,

Cuz no matter what they say,

I’ll always be all right.

I’ll always be all right,

Won’t give up ever, and not tonight,

There’s always more of me left to fight,

I won’t ever run in bitter fright,

So let them do what they’ll do,

And let them say what they’ll say

Cuz I’ll always be all right.

Hey there, friend,

Don’t cry for me,

I’m standing at the edge,

But I won’t leap,

I just want to see.