AHHHHHHH!!!

OH MY FREAKING LORD IT’S AWWWWEEEEESSSSOOOOOMMMMMMMME!!

Star Wars II….could I just say that I am right now so happy that I’m getting aroused just thinking about it…I’ll take up the pertinent issues.

Obi-Wan: Ewan McGregor masters Obi-Wan this time around and makes him act exactly the way he first acted in the original movie….he’s got it all down and he’s got this awesome fight scene with Jango Fett that just says, OH HELL YEAH! Ewan McGregor is the bomb and his handling of every situation in this movie is realistic and excellent.

Anakin: Hayden Christianson does an excellent job portraying the dark and brooding Anakin. Sometimes he comes off as absolutely cheesy, especially when he gets somewhat emotional. He shows off his awesome powers several times and duels with double light sabers for a few minutes and he even gets to do this awesome little light saber scene between himself and Darth Tyrannus. But the thing he does get down is his anger, this guy can really play a man who hates things….all sorts of stuff!! He HATES STUFF like no other actor I’ve ever seen. Overall, I was excessively pleased with this actor, heads above the “Home ALoney” dweeb from last time. He can also be a real arrogant cock, just like the Anakin we want to see.

Amidala: Cheese. Cheese. Cheese. Oh yeah, there’s plenty of good in Amidala’s acting, very noble, very human, very good….but she has the cheesiest line of all the characters: “I’ve been dying a little each day ever since you came back in my life….” OH MY LORD THE CHEESE IS EVERYWHERE!! AHAHAHAHAHAHAH! Ok…other than that, Natalie Portman is hot and she also is resourceful, hot, funny, hot, crafty, hot, kicks some ass, and she’s hot.

Mace Windu: Although Sam Jackson’s character would fit better if the characters were pot-smoking hitmen: “The party’s over Dooku…”: He does a good job and what a bad ass he is with a god dang light saber, and he even gets to kill somebody, I won’t say who…somebody in a very bad-ass I’m superior way.

Jango Fett: He’s Boba Fett’s dada, and let me tell you, he’s pretty bad-ass for a character who plays but a small part in the movie. Ok, yes, he is by far better than Boba because he even kills a Jedi….but that doesn’t matter, his part is barely large, a supporting role at best and of course, I wish there was more.

Palpatine: This guy’s lookin sick and old by this point, and he plays really well in his part, he doesn’t even seem to be at all brooding, we actually believe that he’s innocent if we haven’t seen the rest of the films and Lucas knows we know, but I don’t think that we know he knows we know he knows we know. After all, by the end of the movie we are gaping in awe at the trickery, the deception, and the well-weaved plot which explains exactly why there is no disturbance in the dark side of the force…….mwahahaha….the evil.

Dooku: Oh yeah, Christopher Lee totes this god damn fucking light saber with a twisted handle and he shoots lightning…..lightning!! THE MADNESS!! Oh lord, I’m not even spoiling the movie for a moment by telling you this guy is a god damn bad-ass….the strongest jedi ever….well…..the second….

Yoda: If I could lactate out of joy, I would…but instead, I can only scream: AAHAHAHAHHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHHAHAHAHAHAHA…ahem.

Yoda is the biggest, bestest, most fucking, freaking, god-damn bad-ass on the face of the freakin Earth! If you need a reason to see this movie, Yoda alone makes it all worthwhile…..he fuckin rocks…and he wields a lightsaber like noone we’ve ever seen before. YES YES YES!!

The others: C3P0 is in the movie for a bit, he’s really funny. R2-D2 is barely in the movie at all but serves his purpose….but I’m sorry to say, that Jar Jar Binks is a needed character, A NEEDED CHARACTER. We understand by the end of the movie why he has existed in the series at all.

Ok, so the movie’s got fight scenes all over, a total war, and also a great, great, great bunch of plot twists and development and the beginning of the descent of Anakin…..yes indeed….the best movie yet, THE BEST.