5 for $5.95. (Edit)

THE INSTRUCTIONS:

1. Leave me a comment saying anything random, like your favorite lyric to your current favorite song. Or your favoritekind of sandwich.Something random. Whatever you like

2. I respond by asking you five personal questions so I can get to know you better.

3. You will update your LJ with the answers to the questions.

4. You will include this explanation and offer to ask someone else in the post.

5. When others comment asking to be asked, you will ask them five questions

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1) Who is your favorite character (in anything) that makes the list of your favorite characters that you do not identify with all too much?

This is a ridiculously hard question, but I’ll attempt to answer.  Considering I’m an English major and a film addict, the list of characters that stand out to me are copious and it’s near impossible for me to choose one that I relate to or don’t relate to any more than others…I think an argument could be made for several.  So let’s see how I do with this, I’m going to attempt to separate this just the slightest and answer with two answers, one for literature and one for film.

Literature: Mrs. Brown from "The Hours."  Go figure this happens to be Julianne Moore in the movie, but I assure you that is not what drove me to this result.  The truth is, Michael Cunningham writes the three main female characters with powerful and singularly feminine characteristics that are very apparent to me, how a male was able to do so so adeptly, to weave a story that seems so much about the inner secret workings of womanhood, I’m not sure.  However, that is what his book struck me with.  Certainly I relate to certain aspects of Mrs. Brown, that is the power of great art, that it speaks to us all on some levels, but Mrs. Brown is an astounding and intricate character not even fully aware of herself so it makes it difficult to gauge her.  It is hard for me to not try and understand characters and it’s near impossible for me to love a character I can’t understand….not necessarily relate to, but if the character seems to be on an entirely different level from me (mostly far too shallow or undeveloped) I can’t like them.  So it is that most great characters that I love possess the qualities that, if people can’t empathize with, they can at least sympathize.  Mrs. Brown is an enigma and an intrigue and I love her without quite knowing what she’s about.

Film: For film it’s even harder.  I think film is meant to be a medium of relatablity.  You should connect with the characters in the films that you watch.  Well, I’m going to choose Donald Kaufman from "Adaptation."  While I utterly utterly utterly relate to Charlie Kaufman and find the movie speaks to me on soooo many levels, Donald is Charlie’s antithesis and I guess it’s no surprise that I should pick him since Donald is an imagined character, the sort of yin to Charlie Kaufman’s yang (Charlie does actually exist however).  I’m not spoiling anything by the way, I don’t mean Donald isn’t real in the movie, he is, I’m just saying that Charlie Kaufman created himself a brother for the film and the character is wonderful and hilarious and is in many ways the sort of "free" version, the "uninhibitted" version of myself and Charlie, but while that should make me relate, the movie always reminds me that who I am, neurotic and crazed, is exactly who I want to be. 

Woofta, that was exhausting.

2) What about humanity makes you want to have any sort of faith in them, much less the amount that you have?

"Not exactly a soup question, is it?" — Finding Forrester

There are many many many things.  One is that most people, even when they attempt to be bad, brag about it, flaunt it, and act on it, show every sign that it is not only contrary to their nature, but that they know it is and feel bad about it.  They feel guilt over it.  But that perhaps is just due to the social conventions in place.  First of all, let me say that my faith, as faith is defined, comes from some inner knowledge based solely on instinct and optimism and not upon any valid proof.  Faith is belief without proof.

However, if I was to point to anything that resonated with my heart and bolstered it’s song of human celebration, it is the arts.  It is reading books and watching movies and seeing actors, directors, and writers strive to depict a world in which ideals, dreams, love, hope, happiness, friendship, loyalty, and all the penultimate virtues that we sometimes feel humans are destitute of or perhaps that we feel humans only pretend to have, exist strongly and clearly.  We can certainly attempt to dismiss these works and films as naive, but I think the reason we get lost in movies and literature is to escape to a world where we have the strength to not just believe deep inside in the greatness of humanity, but a world that acts upon it.  I think that most of the time reality, especially our current reality, causes so much complication that it’s hard to do the right thing or to ever be sure you did.  A great number of people would also like to sabotage good intentions with constant implications of less than benevolent actions, sometimes we’re so caught up in our thoughts we have no idea why we did anything ever in the first place.  But I think that’s unfair.  I think often we are good, wonderful people.  I think that however grotesque we are, our struggle is always to find happiness and bring love to the world, and what destructive behaviors we have learned, those are the ones that are truly foreign to our nature.  It’s just something I believe.  Perhaps it’s all Kantian, but if I can believe either way, I’d rather believe the good one and aspire.

3) What’s your second-favorite flower?

Well, after orchids I do love roses, I just have to, I’m romantic.  I also love lilacs and wood violets.  Daffodils are sweet too.

4) What do you imagine Louisiana is like?

Well, this may dismay you, but I tend to think that Louisiana is much like the rest of the country in terms of its’ physical structure.  Having been to most of the states now, I’ve rarely seen anything that’s strikingly different…although I will admit that Colorado was breath-taking.  I imagine Louisiana to be very hot and steamy, a great deal like some of the parts of Florida I visitted, especially like the area where my great grandfather lived.  Places, to me, are always secondary to the people there.  I would love to travel, but only leisurely and occasionally, I find everything and everywhere beautiful and would like to explore the world to appreciate it and recognize the wonders of God, nature, and man.  However, I think the most wondrous things in this world are people…I thin

k they possess within their personality more intricate monuments than the entire world.

5) What makes you think you’re invincible (in the sense that you do- in the face of love, maybe?)

I think that my invincibility comes from my recognition of both my fallibility and my desire to aspire.  A great many people have attempted to convince me that perhaps my actions are not so sacro-sanct (sp), but the truth is, I know they are.  I do what I do because I want to be a good person.  Certainly, I acknowledge the fact that in doing that, I’m pleasing and helping myself, but the fact is, I think that little evils inside good actions are forgiveable, at least if we’re going to buy into the belief that every good action has a little evil inside of it.  I find no logic in the people’s arguments who argue that one is always doing some evil and so why not purposefully do it, because there are always levels of everything.  The world is built on heirarchies.  The world is not all or nothing, the world is not black and white.  Not even old movies are black and white, their are greys all over….;)

My invicibility comes from my recognition that we all must make our choices and stand by them, and a lot of my invincibility comes from faith in myself.  I believe that my intentions are always good, and as for what proof I have, the most powerful proof I have is my self-control.  I’m not one to allow myself even the slightest indulgence unless I believe it is reasonable…I will never do something to ease the suffering, tribulation, trial, or hardship of a situation.  Nate told me that I could have pretended to watch the OC or lied about finding it (ironically, we couldn’t anyway), but I replied to him, "Once you start that, you’ll abuse it more and more."  I’m not one for that.  It’s true that we are often creatures of habit and comfort and if we are able to get away with a convenient fallacy, we will try and expand it until we get caught.  I fight that urge and so far believe I prevail enough. 

Finally, my invincibility comes from my neurotic self-analyzing paranoia.  There is probably nothing I haven’t thought with great conviction and worry, it’s hard for me to not try to embrace something as the truth if only for twenty minutes to decide how true it feels to my heart, my soul, and my logic.  But 95% of the time, and 100% of the time when I’m in a good mood, I find myself believing and feeling quite clearly that my good intentions are just that, and not simply a veil of denial and ignorance…something I see often in others.  That’s the best I can do for now with that. 

Thank you for distracting me at work, love of my life.  Hope this makes you smile…:)

Drop me a note if you’d like 5 questions.

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Edit (Heatheer’s Questions)

1.) If there was one thing you could cure what would it be and why would you choose to cure that?

There are so many things that could be cured, so many reasons for curing anything that this really sort of leaves me choosing one at random.  I’m too busy finding the merit in each selection that I’m not sure which is most important, that and I’m a fatalist who believes that most things that kill us only help the remainder of us live better lives.  I think then, perhaps due to a morbid mood due to exhaustion, I would choose to cure the world of over-population.  It is the contributing factor to poverty, pollution, traffic, crowding, and numerous other less than fatal illnesses and problems, but ones that could give us more time to live better lives.  My dearest believes in preserving life (if not for the sake of the person for the sake of one’s relatives), and on many levels I agree with that, I believe that saving a life is a grand gesture and that we should all aspire to such things.  But I’m not sure that saving all life all the time is helpful or worthwhile…I don’t believe that keeping someone in a vegetative state is helping anyone at all….it may in fact be mentally protecting the relatives of that person, but I’ve always been a good of the whole over the individual sort of person.

So that is what I choose to cure.  It’s not a disease in the one sense, but it certainly does affect our lives.

 

2.) Who is the most inspiring person you know? And why?

People talk about heroes, people we admire and respect, people who inspire us.  I’ve never been one to be so influenced by one person more than another.  On many levels, a great number of people inspire me and delight me…of course I also have the problem of having a semi-potent God complex (or so I’ve been told).  I don’t believe it so much, although I do look at people from outside the normal sphere of association.  It’s not that I think I’m superior, I just think I’m different, and what people do I understand but don’t often relate to.  It’s just my nature, I suppose.

I know I inspire myself a great deal.  I know that many writers and directors and actors inspire me with their work, but I do not know them intimately for me to say that I can truly admire them as people.  So I suppose I’ll have to choose Faulkner.  Yes.  The man was a fascinating person and his writing is remarkable on every level, it is subtle, complex, beautiful, poetic, original, unique, and amazing.  And he believed in the greatness of mankind…if there is a person who lights fireworks in my soul, my intellectual soul that is, it would be William Faulkner.  If there is a person who inspires me on a personal level it’s Kristen.  Kristen is the first girlfriend I’ve had who I really feel is my muse…many others have been here and there an influence, but mostly I’ve thought to myself how unmotivated I was to write, or at least how much I felt like the person I was with would not truly be able to debate with me about it.  I’m excited that I’ve found someone who can. 

 

3.) If you could travel to one country and do some sort of mission work where would you go and what would you do to help?

I’d stay in the US.  It’s not that I dont’ want to travel abroad, it’s just that if I’m going to do mission work (something with which I tend to feel no inclination to do honestly), I’d like to help out the people in our own country who need help.  The other factor is that I’m a realist, and I have to recognize that my skill set is not one generally needed or necessary for mission work.  Although I suppose I would, based on my skills, teach impoverished children.  I’m good at most subjects and retain a great deal of knowledge, English would of course be my forte, but I suppose I would teach children.  That’s all I can really think of for this.

 

4.) What is one material item you could not live without?

Just one?  Let’s be honest, I’m a material…guy.  Anyway.&nbsp

; DVDs I suppose.  They are my life in many ways.  Film is the artistic medium I most admire and most desire to be a part of.  I collect them avidly and rampantly, insatiable in my collecting fervor.  I love everything about film and I love to discuss it too. 

 

5.) If you could have a conversation with any person (dead, alive, not born yet, etc) who would it be and what would you discuss?

See, most of my logic jumps to someone that I’m not going to ever get to talk to.  There are things I’d like to ask God (or whatever force is out there), or my children, or things of that nature, but I think when the time comes, I’ll probably get my chance.  I was thinking I could ask someone in the past something, ask them how they did this or did that, but it would all be to lighten a load that I want to carry on my own, or at least shared with Kristen and not split with some random person.  I don’t want the easy outs, I grew up knowing that the easiest and best way to learn was to drive yourself to do it, and as such, that means I like the obstacles and the complications and the challenges, they give me something to bounce my knowledge and understanding off. 

So I’d probably discuss something relatively frivolous, a minor diversion from the day-to-day.  I’m not really sure who I’d talk to….I’m really at a loss.  Hrm.  Honestly?  I can’t think of a person I’d want to talk to where I wouldn’t feel that I’d be letting myself down for the journey I’m on myself.  I figure all the people I want to talk I’ll get to, and all the people that I miss out on I missed because I chose to, in the end.  Strange answer, kind of a cop out, but there it is.

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Edit Again (whatabouttharum’s questions and my beloved’s new question)

1. How do you know you are in love? That is if you have in fact been in love?

Love is one of those exceedingly complicated things, especially for me.  I was born to love people and I tend to do it very strongly and very consistantly, though most of it always remains repressed and contained as my tendency towards being overly passionate (in a social sense) scares most people.  I can’t tell half the people in the world I adore them without them thinking that either a)I’m interested in them that way or b)that I’ve lost my mind.  But neither are true.  The truth is that I do love many people strongly and it’s just as simple an explanation why, I can feel them in my heart when I think of them, see them, or hear them.  My heart actually aches and strains.   But "in love" is another matter altogether.  It was very possible in the past that any of the girls I loved I could have been "in love" with if they had given me the chance, some I was in love with anyway. 

I know I’m in love when I want to be their everything.  I know I’m in love when the things they say that hurt me I don’t lash out against, that I’m willing to abandon my general and safe solaces and protections for their arms and their heart in the hopes that they will be able to achieve the same results if not more potent (which is always the case with Kristen.)  How do I know when I’m in love?  It’s really just something you know.  You have to trust that your heart and your mind have experience and intelligence….I believe mine have the first in spades and the second in truckloads…so there we are.  Kind of a weak answer, I apologize, I’m exhausted.

 

2. What is your favorite genre of books and/or films why?

Generally human dramas.  Almost all Modern American Fiction and most classic works that I adore are nothing more than human character studies, the exploration and investigation of what makes us think, feel, believe in things.  I like to watch people aspire and inspire, succeed and achieve, feel and think, be racked with the same passionate waves of emotion I am.  That is clearly one thing that draws me to film…actors are taught and trained to be the quintessential emoters, to actually take whatever they should be feeling and pump it up several notches.  Who knows if this drew me to film or if film has created this in me, but I’m a ball of repressed emotion, constantly needing to express it to the utmost and yet also to someone there. 

It is still an unfulfilled desire to be able to feel safe bursting out all the passion inside me.  Part of the problem is that I’ve been ridiculed for so long about my boisterous nature that I’m self-conscious, that and I generally tend to think that most people would be glad to see me wrong due to my arrogance/confidence.  The other half is that I just don’t feel safe in the fact that people will just…let it be.  I don’t know.  I’m getting there.  It’ll be better in 29 days.

 

3. If you could create a reality tv show what would it involve?

Hrm.  You know, I really liked the premise of The Mole.  That could come back.  That was a lot of fun to watch.  I like reality shows like that, ones that involve you using your mind and being actually intelligent.  It would definitely not involve America voting, since I don’t trust the masses as far as I can throw them.  That, or a survivalist game, some sort of extreme paintball like game…I love things like that.   That would be something I’d be into doing.

 

4. What is your most proud accomplishment thus far in your life?

I’m not really sure.  I tend to take everything in stride.  I think, if I had to choose, I’d choose "Jacob Marley’s Christmas Carol."  It took a lot of effort, a lot of work, a lot of elbow grease and a lot of confidence when no one else would give me the faith I needed to keep going.  The student theatre organization was so busy thinking about what they couldn’t do easily that they weren’t willing to let someone drive their show further.  And then I did it.  I pulled out all the stops and I put on a great god damn show.  And forever after, I know that Kate whether she likes me or not, is going to be remembered for the role I gave her, developed with her, and that she earned due credit for.

 

5. Whom is one person who you admire most in life? Why is that and how has this person influenced you to be a better person?

This is another difficult question, I admire many people for many things and they all inspire me in small ways, but I tend to be extremely self-reliant and what changes have come to my personality through others all tend to be significant but not the kind of thing I could attribute here without listing hundreds of people.  I’m not sure anyone has influenced me to be a better person than I am, I’ve always attempted to strive.  You can refer to Heatheer’s question for further elaboration.

My Beloved’s New Question: What are your wishes for this next exciting year of your life?

I wish to finish a few

of my longer plays and my novel and get them to a publisher or an agent.  I wish to get some more stage time or set time acting, directing, writing…whatever I can have.  I wish to start saving up more money for real life.  The same things I tend to wish for every year, although when I say wish, I tend to mean aim.  I don’t wish for much really, I think it’s all in our hands.

However, if there is one thing important and significant, the most crucial thing this year…it’s no so much a wish as a demand…I demand your love. I’m going to take it from you and give you all of mine back and we can fill each other up this way for the rest of our lives I believe.  I wish for that to start this year.