First entry..

i cried today.

Overwhelmed with my studies. Feeling like im not good enough no matter how hard i try while also staying optimistic, etc etc. 

i decided to take it slow and bit by bit, get where i need to be. Failed an assignment, so i will work on it this Thursday. Made avoidable mistakes on my shift? I will learn from them. Every good midwife has probably been where i have been at some point in their life. I will be a good midwife too just like they are. All my mentors are my role models after all.

some silly mistakes i made btw:

– a woman in labour asked to sit down on the bed and I accidentally put the lower half down into the chair before she was ready and she shouted out ‘’WAIIT YAAA’’ and i was like oop take your time you’re all right akfhsjfjs. (She wasnt harmed)

– took a woman with reduced fetal movements off the CTG 10 mins earlier than i was supposed to because i didnt hear my mentors instructions clearly (the ctg reading was still fine)

– after delivering a baby i immediately forgot about handling the woman’s placenta and started helping the woman start breastfeeding..? Panic thinking i guess. My mentor told me to leave the baby as we dont want the cord to snap in half. Everything was handled properly in the end. 

– had total brain fog from the meds i was taking during my night shifts. Couldn’t keep up with documenting everything properly and had low self esteem from my mentors judgmental looks

– pressed the wrong emergency buzzer in a room and angered my mentor. The other midwife told me as long as i called for help, all is good.

anyways the fact that i tried my absolute best to improve on myself and everything i still dont really see a lot of good results and its making me feel less confident in my abilities. And not believing in myself is like.. the end of the world. I desperately want to feel my passion and enthusiasm to progress with my learning again.. .. . Just dont know how. :/