thinking to myself

is it just me

B will always have the power to upset me no matter how far i remove myself from him and i know this and in knowing this i try not to let him upset me

i find myself taking a lot of deep breaths and letting things just slide

but the one thing i cant let slide is lilman

i could stop all contact with B he could ‘sue for custody’ as hes threatened to do before but he doesnt want custody or he’d have taken my offer to share custody when we were getting divorced. he chose not to.

but thats not the point.

i can understand he wants lilmans time there to be fun since he has limited time with him. but he has to understand that lilman atm is grounded for his crappy grades. and at this point grounded just means he doesnt get to stay up late on weekends or watch his much loved cartoons in the morning before school.

i refuse to take away his wrestling since its the first thing hes actually taken interest in since B and i seperated.

so is it jsut me? am i asking too much that b adhere to my rules with lilman? i know its not ‘my home’ anymore i have no say in what goes on there but i have every say in what goes on with my child.

lilman called me at 8 last night. thats 11 for him. B excuse was.. well i told him he could pick a day to stay up late. so were staying up to watch monster house. he could have watched monster house with lilman any time during the day and then sent him to bed at 9 like he was supposed to be. he even tried to tell me that lilman hadnt been to bed later then 10 since he got there which i had to call bullshit on because i know better. ive talked to him on yahoo several times after 10 his time.

he doesnt understand that he cant be lilmans buddy and his father. he has to be one or the other. and it seems hes chosen to be his buddy. which puts me in the bad seat because i choose to be his mother. so it leaves me to be the one to discipline and to make sure he does everything hes supposed to so it leaves me the bad guy.

perhaps its that thats rubbing me the wrong way?

am i wrong to expect him to be lilmans father? maybe not wrong but definatly nieve. hes yet to do anythiing expected of him. even the simplest things like being faithful. but thats just whats left of my anger comeing out when i say that.

i should know better then to expect anything from him. and yet i still do. i still keep hopeing that hell do the right thing.

i know its hard to help raise a child from a distance but how hard is it to say.. listen to your mother.

i swear i just dont know

im tired of him blowing me off when its my sons best interest i have at heart

i dont want to have to tell lilman no he cant see his dad anymore that would just kill him. the divorce has been hard enough on him with out having to add that as well. he still loves his father and doesnt see him the way i do and i dont want to be the one to take that away and have to prove what an ass his father really is.

this just makes me sick at heart

i dont know what to do

namaste

*~*Uniquity*~*

December 27, 2006

My kids dad didnt want anything to do with their upbringing until recently. My son is now 17 going to be 18 and my daughter going on 13 soon to be 14. So either 1) you can raise your son on your own to the best of your ability and hope you do a great job,plus get on with your life. 2) you can be mad as hell at his dad and hope he grows the hell up soon so he can know his son and grow with him. 3)Let ex know what a horrible job he is doing by not setting a good example and ask him not to influence him in a negative way. and last but not least…4) get sole custody of son and dont allow him to see him. My own experience is number one. Now my kids dad wants us to “get along” I agreed because i was tired of the constant fighting and money issues.

Iget2bme

Uniquity is from me! She pretty much hit it on the head…it sounds like he wants to be the good guy and is quite comfortable with making you the bad guy. Just know when Lilman grows up, he’ll know who put in the hard labor and turned him into such a responsible young man

haredawg

That is always a tough call. I think B would likely lose a full custody suit, but he could get a court ordered visitation schedule, a pain for all involved. But the tough call is seperated parents buy in to punishment like grounding. I had joint custody that wound up being full custody when the kids were old enough to insist. The ex always had this list of things the kids were not allowed to do

I always found it unreasonable. She wouldn’t honor my grounding either. Divorce even more so than marriage is the art of compromise, and hopefully, both parents realize the intention is for the good of the child (hopefully it is) and not the guilt of the parent. I would never have tried getting a court order that would limit the kids access to their mother. She is their mother.

Baskar

Could be that B wants to enforce new rules and such. It all depends on how bitter he is concerning the divorce. That and he may want to strengthen the bond between he and lilman. In either case, he should respect your rules…but at the same time I think there should be “ground rules” placed before visitation.

Madballs

Having actually met and talked to B I think you hit it on the head with… “hes yet to do anything expected of him.” My take on B is that he does what he wants. He thinks of himself first (and usually only himself) and only thinks of others when he needs or wants something from them. I’m not sure if it’s conscious or unconscious. Well I guess I mean maliciousness or just thoughtlessness.

Im not sure B is capable of setting up his own rules and sticking to them. That would require him to focus his efforts and thoughts on someone else and get nothing obvious in return. Youve said he can be charming when he wants to and he was even romantic a time or two. Im sure hes capable of being lots of things for short times. The real question is what is he like most of the time?