the proper combination

this is something my boyfriend and i have discussed

when it comes to sex people are like locks

women are a combination lock, no combination = no sex
men are key locks, no key =  no sex

for men the key is almost always easy to find usually you just have to mention sex of some sort and they are ready

for women it takes atleast a little bit of effort. if you know the combination your good to go but even if you dont you can still find it if you put a little effort into looking for it.

so why is it that he thinks he can just shove his fingers between my legs wiggle them for a minute and expect me to be overcome (no pun intended) with an orgasm or to atleast find it enjoyable.

he says its ‘something women can just turn off, men cant do that shit’  WTF is that shit supposed to mean?

even in the ‘heat of the moment’ that feels spontanious its not really. you just dont notice that its not, something happened to lead to that moment or there wouldnt be a moment.

so why expect your key to fit in my combination lock?
i have no idea and neither does he really he couldnt give me an even remotely coherent answer. there was a lot of well um… well umm

im tired of this shit

last night had all the earmarks of disaster except i’m a sucker for an apology. so the night ended well despite his best efforts to ruin it over something trivial and stupid.

im tired of fighting.  im tired of him makeing me feel bad over stupid crap or over crap i cant control.

my ability and willingness to put up with someone elses bullshit has been pushed pretty close to the edge. its not there yet but i can see it from here. B pretty much used all my patience over the 11 years we were married.  i have no desire to be in that kind of relationship again. not that it was all bad by any means, but in the end we’re divorced and much happier that way then we ever were married. hell we’re better friends now then ever before! who knew?! *shrug*

so the real question is this… how long am i willing to let him push my patience?

i have a visual in my head like a movie scene.. you know the one where someone is dangling out of a tree or over a ledge or some other dangerous object and they are holding onto a rope and you get a close up of the rope and you see its fraying, but its not jsut fraying its nearly come apart and theres just those few strands left twisted together.

so do i let myself fall or do i catch myself? the obvious answer is i catch myself. but sometimes the obvious answer is not the final solution.

we shall see what we shall see