somedays

you jsut want to hang your head and not make eye contact with anyone.

i made the mistake of makeing eye contact with jini this morning and we’ve both been miserable ever since. jini is in a very similar place as me only about 9 months behind.  her husband left her and took the kids. no explanation just a note that said.. im done. and he and the kids were gone.  she didnt take it well, but who would really? can youtake something like that well? im sure i wouldnt.  but shes haveing a hard time adjusting and she’s missed ALOT of work and well kelly (the owner of the company we work for) has been VERY understanding about it all.  but when she is at work she tends to be very mood swingy, which i can understnad totally, lord knows ive had enough mood swings to qualify me for the monkey olympics. but thats not the point. 

last night i talked to B and he wants to tell lilman that he’s not really his father. this is by far not a new conversation for us. but it always worries me how lilman will take it when we do finally tell him.  its no big deal really.  not in this day and age and hell its not like 90% of his cousins arent in the same situation.  but lilman tends to be sensative about things like that and i just hate haveing to tell him.  but it is better sooner then later to tell him  rather then have one of B’s family ‘slip’  and well honestly  it would be just a slip from most of them  but they have decided to let his little sister ‘back in the family’ … dont ask its a looong story… and that is jsut the kind of info she would let ‘slip’ and not in a nice way.  this is a woman that takes being a bitch to an art form!

so anyway…. today started out just kinda yuck. and i just wanted to idle thru my day and get it over with.  But jini was crying in the bathroom when i went in to wash my hands and im just not one to let someone cry. so we talked and i guess comisserated is a good word, and when we were done  she felt better and i felt like hell.  i jsut couldnt let it go.  so i spent my day stareing into space thinking about my ex and my life and my life with and w/o my ex.. you know how it goes….

why is it just when i think ive totally let it go something else crops up?