hanging on by what exactly?

a toe? i fingernail? a thread perhaps? i dont know really. it doesnt feel like hanging on really. it feels like falling or plunging really. but hey its not the fall that kills you right? it the sudden stop at the end!

what do you do when your life has gone into freefall?

there has to be a way out. but what? and where? i have no idea.

i cant even hang my head for a mintue and just let it all go! i dont have a place i can do that! both kam and lilman are at home there is no privacy for just a minute. 

im beyond worried. beyond stressed. i havent hit all out panic yet but i can sure see it from here.