rant

I just have an incredibly depressed outllook on my life right now.

 I’m not happy with my job. But I only have to ut up with it another 2 months. So I deal with it.

I’m extremely worried about my relationship. I love Philip with all my heart, & he says he lloves me too. But something is making me uneasy. I can’t put a finger on it & he won’t.

I need to lose weight. But I have no motivation, other than just not eating.

I’m 26 years old & I still live with my parents. I feel like I have accomplished nothing with my life.

I really just feel like a total loser today.

I decided earlier this year that I won’t go back to this job after this year. It’s not a job that I want to advance with, first of all. And I wanted to go back to 40 hours a week so I can spend time with Philip. He had asked me earlier this year to move in with him. And I really wanted to, I said yes. But then, when I was at home last, he tells me he’s not ready for that just yet. He wants us to have time to "date" and such. And I’m cool with that. In fact, it’s what I’ve been feeling lately also. But it just seems to me like he’s pushing me away. We don’t talk much anymore, and we spent very little time together when I was at home. How can a man who was so in love with me 6 months ago just do a 180 and decide he doesn’t want me around? I am hurt by this. Deeply. I don’t want to lose him.

Of course I shouldn’t be surprised by this. I was complletely taken by surprise at the ending of my last relationship. And truthfully, how could he stay in love with a woman who is so far away all the time? A fat woman at that…