Lonelies

I’ve been having a pretty hard time dealing with the lonelies. I don’t think it’s PPD. I’ve always had a pretty hard time dealing with Danny being gone. It’s just harder now. 9 more days…

Jenna has been everything but an angel. Well, that’s not really fair. I’d say 75% angel, 25% something else! When she’s good, she’s really good. When she’s rotten… she’s really rotten. During the day she won’t nap anywhere but in her swing. It really isn’t a problem, but I’d like for her to not become dependent on it. At night she sleeps peacefully in her bassinett in our bedroom. Sleeping in her crib is out of the question at this point. And today is the first day she’s napped longer than 40 minutes since last Wednesday.

I really wish I could just get out of the house for a few. I’d love to be able to take her places. But I have to go alone, and it takes 30 minutes to get anywhere. I’d hate to be driving down the road and have her start screaming. (Because that’s what she does, one minute she’ll be sleeping peacefully but as soon as she wakes up she starts wailing!) I’ll be so thankful when she passes this phase. And I really don’t want to be out in public with a baby whom I can’t console. And then have to drive back home with her screaming… It’d break my heart.

I have a new understanding, and a whole lot of respect, for single mothers.

If I had friends, or family, or someone here I could count on or turn to I imagine it wouldn’t be *quite* this hard. Yeah, Danny’s family is here and they’re "my family" too. But it’s just not the same. They don’t live very close by, and we’re really out of the way for them just to pop by. And he keeps telling me that when I get frustrated that I should call his mom, or my mom for that matter. Well, my mom is working right now. And if I do call his mom, and she comes to help out, what am I going to do tomorrow when I get frustrated? I can’t have her here everyday to take care of my daughter for me. I have to learn how to do this myself…

I’d just love for someone to come keep me company for awhile. To keep an eye on the baby so I can take a shower without having to rush because she started crying, ending up in tears myself because it breaks my heart to let her cry while I rinse.

And she’s waking up now… Time to change a butt! (That I can handle!)