For Pete…

I know you’re probably reading this, because of the e-mail you sent me. But this is my DIARY. MY DIARY. Right? My place to write down my feelings. Anyone who wants to reaad my diary may do so, or I would have made it private. I’m not upset about you reading it. In fact I’m glad. But you have absolutely NO RIGHT to get upset or childish over ANYTHING that I write in here. This is my only release. I write in here because I have to get this shit out of me, and no one here wants to hear it.

Pete, you fucked me up. BIG TIME. I will never be the same again. You took every feeling of love, and trust that I ever had for anyone, and you crushed them. And yet you have no remorse. You have no human decency in you, I’m convinced. You took things from me I will never get back. No, I don’t mean possessions. I mean me. I haven’t felt like me since the day you told me to leave. You were fucking Heather before I even left. And don’t try to fucking lie about it either. I’m not as stupid as you think I am. I’m probably a hundred times smarter than you’ll EVER be.

And I can still make your life a living hell. I know too much. And I’m still so pissed off that I haven’t put it out of my mind yet. I am so god damn pissed off at you it’s not even funny. As I sit here typing this I am sick to my stomach and shaking. And you’re a thousand miles away. They very thought of you makes me physically ill. Do you feel good about it? Probably…

I am glad that you read what I write in here. Maybe someday you’ll realize how you completely fucked me over! You completely destroyed almost everything in my life. You almost completely destroyed me. But I WILL NOT let you do that to me. Never again.

I will go on and be a better, stronger person. And in 10 years maybe I’ll show up somewhere, to show you what I have become. And you’ll be the same old Pete, convinced that everyone else is an “asshole”. You’ll still be depending on someone else to make life better for you. You can’t do anything to better your life for yourself. Someone else is always gonna have to do it for you. And I hope, for Heather’s sake, she opens her eyes and gets rid of you before you do that to her. And then I hope you open your eyes and do something about it!

I have nothing personally against Heather. You’re playing her in this just like you played me in the beginning. You’re only happy until you get some kind of control over women. When the controlling no longer works, the girl is history. And you can’t tell me that that is not what happened to us. When I wouldn’t quit something I loved to make more money for YOU, then I was shit. I was no good to you anymore.

And I know that you think I’m a silly bitch for thinking this way. But I hope someday you’ll realize that I am right. And like I said, this is MY DIARY. You have absolutely no right to get upset about anything I write in here. And I DO have the right to say it out in public if I so please.