8/23/03

*sigh* I want someone I can’t have. And it sucks. Sure, I could go for it. But 1 of 2 things would come about: 1. I would lose my job, or 2. I would have to give up my position at work. If I hadn’t given so much to be where I’m at right now, I’d go for it. I can’t even be friends with him because I am his supervisor.

I’m just a big messy puddle of emotion right now. I want to go out and have fun, but I want to sit at home and mope around and feel sorry for myself also. Damn it all to hell! I’m finally working with someone around my age, and I can’t even have a friend out of it. Some things in life just aren’t fair. This must be some kind of torture test or something. See if I pass, then I must be worthy of something better. Who knows. And who the hell cares?

Ok… let’s lighten the mood. I received mail earlier this week. (Yeah, I know, big deal!) It was a letter from my car ins. in PA. They sent it to my old apt. My ex proceeded to write “not at this residence” on the front of the envelope. So they forwarded it to me here. What was inside? A $130 check! It was a refund for “unused premium” that I had paid before I moved. Windfall, can’t beat it. Thanks Pete! >:)

Life is good, but bumming me out too, I guess. Ill survive. Shit, I’ve been through hell and back since 2001, maybe longer. I’ve made it this far. If you can stick out through the bullshit, good things come. I just have to wait some more is all.