talula was here.

briefly.

i was dependant on this damn machine. sitting in a cold basement. every night. for hours. then, one evening, the power went out. and i decided against turning the computer back on.

it seemed it was starting to control my life.
so, i went out and got one.

dad went from bad to worse to okay to really fucking bad to so-so. and now we’re hanging on to "just okay" with our fingernails. but, i have found my brother again. the youngest, other than myself, and we talk on the phone and visit and laugh and do all those things girls should do with their older brothers. we’ve just had a late start. and i have a beautiful seven year old niece that likes to play outside and catch frogs.

oh, and the topic of love. my heart beats faster and harder than ever before. it’s been over a year and a half and i am still consumed by the wanting. now, we’re healing together. blood and breath combine into our own little forever, unlike anyone else’s. we are always.

oh. and i need to mention that the house now has a nintendo Wii and it’s incredibly addicting. we go bowling and golfing. we play tennis and baseball. fishing, air hockey, cow throwing, pig milking, bunny shooting, sword fighting. and, my favourite of all, i cut people open and play with their organs. their life depends on me. all from our cozy living room with the wood burning stove. really, i sound like a loser. video games were never my thing. but, really. this is cool.

and that’s the end of it.

maybe i’ll be back tomorrow. maybe it’ll be another two months.
i suppose we’ll have to see.
love to any of you who come back to check on me.
and love to those who don’t (you’ll just never know).