rainstorms and moving on..

i am still dying to have the internet at my new place.
i say new like it is. it’s not. it’s been months now. it’s lived in and scattered, just like my life. but i still do so adore it.

i’m not alone there anymore. not like i was.

care for a tally?
one ferret. weasel
one lionhead rabbit. arielle-sphinx
two gerbils. chillingworth & dimmesdale
two tokey geckos. bulan & surya
one emperor scorpion. lefu
one chilean rose hair tarantula. rayen.
one cobalt blue tarantua. bala.
one giant millipede. yet to be named because it’s brand effing new
one giant centipede. yet to be named because he’s brand effing new

malcolm, the cannibalistic hamster finally passed away. no sadness here. really, once you eat your best friend, you’re no longer okay in my book.

other things are good, as well. i had some sickness, which is typical of the season. was over medicated for a bit causing me to, essentially, be a bitch. but, the people who care enough to see through my medicated stupor came to keep me company. faar too many games of cards, if that’s possible. haikus. bloody movies from france. i weathered the season well. heartstrings were broken, which i can’t complain about too much. did it hurt? of course. was it time, doubtless. it’s odd, though. it’s funny how things turn around. now, she’s the one crying for me. and i’m just happily living in my world hoping she’ll eventually recreate hers. i don’t need to be there. i never needed to be there. is was just some alternative we both found to stray away from what life really was. but, now i’m ready to face the insanity this is.. all of this. and she, too, is ready to face it with me, so she says. i say she made her decision years ago. she said she made the wrong one, and has now chosen me. life is not a game of rock, paper, scissors and there are no do-overs.

other obsticals.. well, i don’t even know what to say. i’m glad the choice was made the way it was. ecstatic, actually. although, i adored what we were coming into since i got away from the old life, it was starting to push the limits of being too much. wanting different things, but the same. finding a place where it was all okay, and then tearing down the walls. i dislike the anger, i must say, but i’m sure, somehow, that it was my doing. it always seems to be. but there is not a single thing about the situation that i would change. not this time. my intentions and desires were made clear. and i’m happy in my choices.
i’m happy you made your choice. i almost wish i could be hurt by it, wish i could want to be in her place. but, i’m not. not even in the slightest. one day, maybe, we’ll be able to exist in the same room without some sort of anxiety issues and without the childish bouts of possesiveness.

work goes as it’s gone, though i’m up for a raise as long as the store can make it through a giant audit-type deal. not audit, like, money wise.. essentially, big wigs are coming from everywhere to nit-pick our store. management is terrified. everything’s been put on hold until december third. hopefully, we can go back to our regularly scheduled programming after that. anyway, a raise means i get the internet. which is joyous.

there are other things, but i can’t talk about them here. such turmoil already, i’d hate to bring even more. which it, undoubtedly, would. but, people that would know, say it’s all happening in the right order. and so it’ll go.

there was nothing in the entry about rainstorms, which is as it should be.

so, there’s my update for this time behind a computer.
til next, whenever that may be.