Its Been A Long, Long Time!

Fellow Od People!! 
I am sorry.
Its been Full steam ahead lately!
Which im pleased with! 🙂 🙂
Throughout all of it though… Ive somehow managed to plonk on half a stone!!! 
JAYSUS!!!

How the hell did that happen?
Ergh.
Well Ive booked my driving test!!!! 
O M G!! hahaaaa!
23rd of September. a seven week waiting list =/
Do that many people really want to drive? 
Thats crazy.
No wonder Planet Earth is in Turmoil.
A load of crazy teens driving around in Poisenous gaseous Metal bangers….
and then crashing and killing themselves =|

Lovely.
In other news….
Me and Mr Alan have been together forrr.
I dont know now :/
But i have cheated on him numerous times…
For feck sake. I have no idea why.
I wanted to be with him for sooo long, and now that i am, Im still playing away.

Insecurities i think.
I feel the need to be wanted by more than one person? 
I dont know….

My Birthday party im supposed to be organizing is driving me round the bend.
Nothing is finalized. and every bloody DJ i try to hire, they just dont get back to me! 
Its insane!
Were in a bloody recession! 
Im waving £200 In your face. and YOUR IGNORING ME?!?!?!

whats going on?
Im fair sure its going to be rubbish. everyone will be stood around bored. and ill be leant over the bar necking shots to numb the pain of how much of a failure ive made everything!!!! 
Argh!

The Positive points are that my Granny is better, Our back garden has been completed and looks beautiful.
My best friend passed her driving test and were spending lots of time together so were real bezzer mates now! 😀
Im meeting with a friend tomorrow night for a drink and to fill in an application form for an Old peoples home!
New Job = More MONEY!
Ahhhh
Well up for that.
Cant stand the shitehole im in at the moment 🙁

The Bloke that was doing our garden is a PERVE
He really is.
Wont stop calling me beautiful, saying i have gorgeous legs and a peachy bum…
Ergh.
Dead wrong. But im used to pervy blokes, so know how to handle this one 😉
haha!
He done a good job on our garden though so im not going to tell my dad about it. Ruin everything.

Im thinking of breaking it off with Alan. I know that sounds bad.
But im not ready to "settle down" for a long relationship.
Not with him anyway!
We dont have sex!
What the hell am i supposed to do?!?! 

That sounds so shallow. He wants to have sex, i want to have sex. But we dont.
And his explanation was because hes "Insecure. Rubbish, and pretty much a born again virgin"
THATS FINE!
only, weve done EVERYTHING ELSE, APART FROM PENETRATION!!??!?!?

Maybe hes just NOT that into me? 
SERIOUSLY GUYS!!!
these are the hints the universe has been throwing my way:-
</3 WE DONT HAVE SEX!
</3 He wants to be recluse and move to the woods? Double U Tee Efff (wtf) 😛
</3 The thought that ran through my head when we were SO CLOSE and he got up and left the room "Im clearly not attractive enough"
</3 I Met another of my best friends Yesterday, and hes reading a book called "hes just NOT that into you" the film isnt a spin off from it, but the film got the idea from the book. only the principle of the book is used in the film.
He read a quote that said if you havent had sex within a month, and he hasnt made an attempt to explain WHY? hes just NOT that into you, he should now explain to your hot ass as you walk away.
</3 I met up with Tom Last night (I KNOW I SHOULDNT HAVE) and when we were just talking, about it. He said, "He clearly doesnt fancy you enough….OH sorry, i know that sounds bad. but. come on" 
</3 The only reason i am still with him now is because i get that horrible feeling in my stomach when i think about him not liking me as much as i like him…..

I dont know where this is going… Is there any point dragging it on.
How can it be such a big deal, weve been together for a total of.. 6 Months really,
why is he not totally comfortable with me?
Honestly. Hes tried putting his finger up MY ARSE!!!!!
Id much rather jump on him and RAPE the boy before sticking my finger any where near HIS orifice!!!

There MUST be something more to this. =/
Maybe this particular rejection is what it driving me to play away, to gain that security elsewhere? 

Anyway, I must dash and attempt to get on with some PAINTING!
Argh. What a Drag, Comments and advice would always be appreciated, and incentive to get a read on what’s occurring in your lives!
LoveLove <3