If i knew then what I know now

I would never have stopped when I was walkng out of that door.
I wouldn’t have turned to listen to your sorry, stupid excuses.

I now no longer have time for your lies.  It’s a shame, I know you’ve been lying for months, I’m not as stupid as you think I am…don’t think I don’t see the things that you try so desperately to hide from me.  The thing is, it’s just a shame that you were never upfront with me.  I even gave you the chance to tell me…and you still chose to lie to me.  Thanks for trusting the friendship, and me.  But it’s done now.  Second chances are for fools, and for a liar I won’t be a fool.

You know what, I was f***ing hurt too.  The difference?  I did what I had to do, just not in your face.  I didn’t "brag" my life in front of you…I carried on and did what I had to do.  When you asked me, I never lied…even though I knew it’d kill you.  And you know what, now, I’m so glad that you knew…and in answer to your question…it was better…intense in a way you never achieved.  It would be heartless of me to have told you that, even though at that point I no longer had any loyalties to you in that sense..I was a free woman.  And I felt freer than I had in such a long time.  I was no longer trapped, by you.  Yeh, he might well have known what he was doing and taken a pleasure in that, but what you fail to realise is that I knew full well what he was doing too…and I took pleasure in that…it was what I wanted him to do.

I’m not sure I evern really care for you anymore.  Maybe you WERE the biggest mistake to have happened to me…I just realised far too late.

I wish I had just left you that night and never turned back.  You could have then gone on down to her and f***ed her like you’ve always wanted to.  Do you really think I thought you didn’t?  Regardless of the "if I wanted to sleep with her I could have".  As far as I’m concerned, you probably did…and if I was to really think about it, there would be plenty of signs to tell me so. 

I wish I had never spoken to you and just carried on ignoring you.  That feeling you felt when I didn’t say a word to you in the lift – that’s all come flooding back.  I can’t believe I was taken in by your lies and deceit.  And for something that I never would have had an issue with if you’d just had the f***ing balls to say.  But that’s been your problem.  And I’m glad I no longer have to deal with all that bollocks.

Typical in every way.  You’re a cleverly disguised bastard if ever there was one.  A bastard through and through, despite any of your proclamations to the contrary, you are.  How many other lies?  I could never believe anything you ever said to me again.  Your truth to me is worth nothing.  And that’s the point when I realise, that someone means nothing, that’s the point where I know. 

Not everything is meant to be.  Lessons are taught in difficult ways, and sometimes, they’re repeated when we ignore them too many times.

Thanks for the insight.

Goodbye.