Silence Truly is Golden

I’m back from the retreat.  Not sure if I’m glad to be back yet or not.  I never would have known how much I needed that couple of days away.  And I never would have understood what an amazing gift being in silence and solitude truly is.

I thought I would struggle with the setting of this retreat.  Well not so much the setting really, but more the concept of silence and solitude.  On the first afternoon when we entered into silence and solitude, I hadn’t quite figured it out yet.  Did it mean I as restricted from just talking to the other women?  Was I aloud to speak quietly to myself and God?  Nobody would know if I sat in my room and talked out loud; well nobody but God.  I decided to listen to my iPod and rest in my room.

It seems that after my nap, I awoke refreshed and maybe a bit more clearheaded.  The rest of the day was spent in some small group sessions, dinner and evening chapel.  We were scheduled to enter back into silence and solitude once chapel was over, however Father John offered to give us a lesson in astronomy.  He pulled out an amazing telescope and let those who were interested take a look at the moon, some stars, and even Saturn.  Going to the planetarium or looking at pictures on Google Space doesn’t even compare to being able to look at these sights through a telescope.  It was nothing short of amazing!  And then to realize that everything we looked at was made by God who is also my own heavenly Father.  The same God that knows my by name and loves me as his own.

After looking at the stars, moon, and Saturn, it was time to enter into silence and solitude for the night.  This time I was a bit more prepared.  Before retiring to my room for the night though, I went down to the lawn and sat in a chair.  I wasn’t quite ready to stop looking at the moon and stars above.  As I sat in silence, I realized that God was giving me a gift that night.  I was so anxious about being quiet with none of my usual background noise.  Silence to me can be deafening.  But guess what.  God had put me at ease.  As I sat in the chair, the cool kiss of the breeze on my face, I saw a shooting star fly past the moon.  I’d like to think I was the only person who had the privilege of seeing it.

Suddenly the silence wasn’t so silent.  It seems that God was conducting a symphony of sounds that night.  The weren’t the normal sounds that I was accustomed to.  The whizzing cars, background television, or talking people. My heavenly Father was directing the chirping of the frogs and the melody of the crickets.  So while I may have been sitting silently, my loving Father made certain that I knew He was there with me.  Who would have thought that being quiet could sound so beautifully loud?  What a glorious feeling of love.

By the second day, I had decided that I didn’t want the silence and solitude to end.  I contemplated whether or not the retreat center would let me move in for good.  =)

I truly fell in love with the sounds of nature.  I sat and listened to the songs of the birds, the rustle of the wind through the trees, and I found so much joy in just being silent and listening to the music of my Father.  As I sat and thought about what God was trying to teach me during the retreat, I thought about my marriage and the loudness of it.  Jacob and I tend to argue a lot.  We say things that we don’t necessarily mean, constantly battling to have the last word.  At times I imagine God putting his hand over my mouth in an effort to shut me up.  "That’s enough, Jamie," is probably what He is saying.  I can see now the beauty and benefit of just being silent.  God has a lot to say to us if we would only take the time to listen for awhile.  And when the silence is over, hopefully what we have to say will be much kinder, gentler, and more loving than had we never been quiet at all.  I truly understand what they mean when they say, "Silence is golden."

At the end of the second day and my last night at The Springs I kept thinking about how I didn’t want it to end.  And then I remembered that it doesn’t have to end.  Entering into silence with the Lord is something that I can do anytime I need to.  The setting may not be the same as at a retreat, but giving my heart and attention to the Lord is always possible.

It’s always been hard for me to go home again at the end of a retreat though.  I remember as a kid having problems going home after church camp.  I didn’t want it to end.  Of course some of it had to do with the fact that I would miss all of my new friends.  And while I’m not exactly ecstatic about jumping back into busyness of life, this time it doesn’t seem so bad.  Because this time I was able to take my friend home with me.  This retreat wasn’t about the focus of fellowship.  It was about recognizing the presence of my daddy, my Abba,  my Heavenly Father.  As I sat in the chapel writing this, I looked up to the cross with Christ Jesus at the front of the chapel.  His arms open wide as he is being sacrificed for my sins.  But I also envisioned those arms open wide, welcoming into his embrace.  I was walking around in my Lord’s embrace for the past three days, and I left knowing that His embrace was going with me.