On A Positive Note

Just wanted to write another quick update.  Seems that Jacob has finally pulled his head out of his ass and gotten over (for the most part) his insecurities.  He’s been staying at his brother’s house since last Friday, and it has started to get to him when he isn’t around me all the time.  He would call me, and instead of having a decent conversation with me, he was starting fight after fight after fight.  He doesn’t like my best friend much (which is just tough shit on his part and he’ll have to get over it), so when he knew that I was going to be around her this last weekend, he was getting all jealous/insecure.  And then taking it out on me.

There’s a lot more to the whole situation then just him not liking Brit though.  Jacob has trust issues that he needs to deal with that in all actuality have nothing to do with me at all.  A lot of stuff from his past has caused him to be as insecure as he is and unfortunately he still takes things from his past out on me.  And I finally got sick of it and started putting my foot down about all the b.s.  He didn’t much like that, but the only way he will get over it and learn that I’m not going to hurt him, is if I continue to be myself and not let him dictate to me.

If we would end up moving back out here to Nebraska, he would have to learn that we are going to be on my home turf.  Therefore I obviously have all of my friends and family here, and wouldn’t just stay holed up in our house.  That just isn’t going to happen.  He has to know that he can and will trust me, or this just isn’t going to work.  And that’s what I told him yesterday.

I told him that he needs to stop judging my friends and family.  Because when it comes down to it, I have accepted his fucked up friends AND family with no questions asked, nor do I put them down or NOT accept them for who they are.  It is not my job to judge these people.  I may not agree with how they are, but that doesn’t mean that I’m going to be disrespectful to Jacob for having them in his life.

He panicced yesterday when I talked to him.  I told him several times that it wasn’t going to work if he didn’t stop being such a dick.  I told him that at that point I seriously did not want to marry him.  If he didn’t make a major change in his attitude, that I was NOT going to be walking down the isle with him on Saturday.  I refuse at this point to be married to somebody who is going to treat me like some random from off the street who they don’t know or trust.  It’s just not going to be like that.

Well when we finally got off the phone, I told him that I would see him later.  His brother was racing last night in Norfolk, and I had been planning on going down to watch the races with Jacob anyway.  A few minutes later after I had gotten off the phone with him, his sister-in-law calls back.  Evidentally he finally figured out that I was serious about all this, and wanted Shawn to call me to "save" our relationship.  Shawn told him several times that he was the one that had done this, not me.  So I talked to Shawn briefly, and all in all everyone thinks along the same lines as I do with the exception of Jacob.  His sense of logic is just warped.

After I had time to cool down yesterday, Ami came and picked me up and we went to the races.  I was happy to see him when I got there because yeah it had been 4 days since I had actually seen him.  The issue was the fact that whenever I would talk to him over the past 4 days, he would start a fight for no reason.  If he wouldn’t have been fighting with me every time I talked to him, I would have been even more excited to see him.  Unfortunately my wall was up.  I can say that his attitude was completely different than it had been.  Shawn and Seth evidently had a good talk with him when they were able to get him to shut up.  They told him that everybody needs their space and that he needed to just give me mine.  So for the most part last night, I didn’t really see all that much of him.  He was busy helping Seth with the car, and when he wasn’t he sat away from me.

We got along really good last night.  Like we used to back in the day.  I just hope that it lasts and that it’s not just  a cover up to get through Saturday.   All I can do though is continue to put my foot down when it comes to his b.s.  I refuse to deal with something that was not caused by me, and I refuse to have things from his past taken out on me.  He will need to find other ways of dealing with his issues.

He wanted to come home with me last night, and I told him that I didn’t care if he came home with me or went back to Shawn and Seth’s.  BUT I did reiterate to him that his mom, sister and brother were going to be flying in today and that this would be the first time that he got to spend anytime with his entire family in over 3 years.  I told him to take into consideration the fact that if he came back with me, he wouldn’t really get to spend that much time with his family due to the fact that I wouldn’t have time to take him all the way back to his brother’s.  He also talked to Seth, and Seth told him just to stay with them and still give me my space.  I don’t want him to think that I don’t want anything to do with him, but I can see that Seth and Shawn are just trying to help us out.  So that works.

SOOO  he ended up staying with them, and will be there for the rest of the week.  I won’t see him until Friday now which is the rehearsal and rehearsal dinner.  And then I’ll see him on Saturday.  So yes… after all that writing up there, the wedding is still going to happen.  It’s one thing to be stressed out trying to plan a wedding, but it’s another thing to be fighting over stupid shit that has nothing to do with me.  So that’s what was going on.  I got a glimpse of my old Jacob last night though.  The Jacob that I fell in love with 2 years ago at the very same races that we were at last night.  I’m not going to give up. 

I have gotten a LOT done with the wedding.  I will make sure to get as many pictures as I can downloaded from my mom’s camera so that I can post them here.  I know that I haven’t ever really posted anything through out this whole ordeal.

I am going to the lake today for the holiday.  I wanna go tubing so bad, but I’m so out of shape. LOL I don’t know if I’ll be able to hold myself up on the tube.  NOTE TO SELF:  Wear LOTS of SUNSCREEN!!!

Have a HAPPY FOURTH OF JULY!!!

Laters,
JamieLynn  =)