I’d Rather Go to YOUR Christmas!

Okay.  So I finally have a few minutes.  LOL 

Soooo….  You know how I told you about Seth is doing meth and all that drama?

Well last Saturday night, Jacob was talking to him on the phone asking him what the hell was going on.  Well when all was said and done in their conversation, before I know it Jacob and I are planning a spur of the moment trip up to Redding on Sunday.  We didn’t have ANY money to fund this spur of the moment trip, but since Seth was saying that he wanted to come back to San Jose to get away from the people that he had been hanging out with and supplying his habit, we had to figure out some way to get up there.  We ended up getting the gas money from our church on Sunday morning. 

As soon as church was over, we headed up to Anderson to pick him up.  When we finally get there at 4:00, we go and pick up food from both Mary and Nana so that we would be able to feed Seth while he was down here.  We head over to pick him up from his place, and when we get there he was sleeping.  Shawn had him all packed up and ready to go, so Jacob went into the room to wake him up and talk to him.  Well then Seth flips the hell out because he finds out that he isn’t going to be bringing his car down to San Jose with us, and he was adamant that he HAD to have his car.  The thing was that he had been up for 5 days at this point and was starting to act all CRAZY again.  He was talking in this really deep raspy voice (imagine the voice of Batman in the latest movie only deeper and raspier), and just started GOING OFF because he wasn’t going to be able to bring his car.  He literally got within inches of Shawn’s face when she wouldn’t give him the keys to the car… like a drill sergeant gets in a soldiers face during basic training.  It was probably the scariest thing I have ever seen in my life and that includes coming from a relationship where I used to get yelled at and hit.  He scared me more than my ex. 

So then Shawn ended up giving him his keys, but we had told him at this point that we wouldn’t be giving him money so that he could drive his car to San Jose.  If he didn’t ride with us to San Jose then he would have to stay in Anderson.  At the same time, Shawn told him that if he didn’t go to San Jose and he stayed in Anderson that he wouldn’t be staying at their house anymore.  Either way he had to leave.   

Side note:  The scariest thing to me of this WHOLE situation at this point is the fact that all four of the kids don’t even flinch, react, cry, jump… NOTHING when he starts ranting and raving and screaming.  They have been around him so much while he has been crazy that it has no effect on them anymore.  IT BREAKS MY HEART! 

So now Seth has the keys to his car so he takes off like a mad man and skirts out of their little lane/driveway thing.  First he goes over to his supplier’s house, but Shawn had called the guy and asked him to actually tell Seth that he should go to San Jose without his car.  Seth comes back and continues to flip out because nobody will let him bring his car.  We had told him that if he came to San Jose with his car that he couldn’t stay with us, and Clint (their cousin) had said that if he came down here with his car that he wouldn’t be allowed to stay with him either.  Seth was walking around outside (after he threw a full trashcan at the side of the house) talking about “the plan had been terminated” or some crazy shit like that.  Jacob kept trying to talk to him, and Shawn gave him his bag and told him that he had to go.  He told her fine that he would just sleep in his car.  She said that was fine, but he couldn’t sleep in his car at their house.  No matter what he had to go.  So once again he speeds off in his car pissed off because he’s not getting his way. 

Shawn, Jacob, and I go in the house and talk about what to do next.  Jacob decides that if he hasn’t made up his mind to go back to San Jose with us within 30 minutes that we are leaving without him.  By this time it was already 7:00 and we both had to work the next day and STILL had to drive 3.5 hours back to San Jose.  So I said that I wanted to pray.  We sat there and I said a prayer asking God for His hand in the situation.  For Him to give Seth some clarity in the situation and for Seth to decide to come back to San Jose with us which at this point was going to be a miracle based off of what he had been saying and doing, but most of all for our family to find peace and healing from the drama that Seth has been causing. 

As I’m praying, Seth has now driven down the street and is sitting in front of his mom’s house in his car.  When we find out that is where he is, Jacob heads over there to try and talk to him one more time and to drop of the food that Mary had given of should Seth decide not to go to San Jose.  At the same time that Jacob is driving over there, Seth calls Shawn and tells her that he loves her and blah blah blah.  Basically trying to butter her up so that she was give in and let him come back home and go to bed.  She wasn’t having it though and she told him that she loved him too and that she just wanted him to get better.  He said that he wanted to get better too.  So she asks him why doesn’t he just go back to San Jose then with Jacob and me.  This is the point where LITERALLY the devil talks through Seth. 

When Shawn asks him why he doesn’t just

go back to San Jose, he FLIPS out again and starts saying that “there’s no way that he’s getting packed into the back of that fucking stinky mustang with that fat 300 pound bitch (talking about me).  It broke my heart.  At first I just tried to let it go, but within minutes I was in tears.  I hadn’t even said ANYTHING to him this whole time that we were there.  NOTHING.  And here he is saying such HATEFUL things about me.  Shawn felt so bad that I had heard him say that about me, but it was over and done with at that point.  She had cussed him out and told him that he wasn’t coming back to the house to stay and then hung up on him.  By this time Jacob must have gotten over there, and he and Mary were talking to Seth.  I don’t know what Mary said or did, but within minutes, both Jacob and Seth are now back and Seth has given in and is okay with coming back to San Jose. 

I was still hurt and upset by the fact that he had been so evil, but I truly believe that God had just worked a miracle for us and that Satan was pissed off at me and therefore talking straight through Seth to try and bring me down.  It took me a couple of days to get to that frame of mind, but in my heart I know that God worked through me to beat out Satan in this situation.  I still won’t allow Seth to come to our place though.  Jacob and I kind of had a fight about having him over there, but I told him if he wanted to see him he could go over to Clint’s house and hang out with him.  I felt that I had already gone above and beyond what most people would normally do, and I don’t trust Seth one bit right now.  So he is not allowed at our place until I know for a fact that he has changed his ways.  Basically until he enters an extensive rehab program, I’m not going to let him come over.

Shawn just IMed me a little bit ago to say that she is for sure going to be filing for divorce.  Seth evidently has sent an email to an ex-girlfriend of his from his myspace account saying that he has always loved her and misses her and yada yada yada.  Makes me SICK!  He makes me SICK!  I don’t want anything to do with him.  I know that he is sick.  That he has an addiction and that he needs to get better, but he continues to choose to NOT get better and there is no forcing him to get better.  At this point all I can do is pray for him.  Even God doesn’t force us to do the right thing, so we can’t force one another to do the right thing. 

*SIGH*  If it wasn’t for Shawn and the kids being at Christmas, I wouldn’t even go back up next week.  I don’t WANT to go back up there because as of right now, when we go back up there next Wednesday, Seth is riding back up there with us.  Since we are going to be there for more than a few days, that means that we have to take the dog with us because we don’t have anybody that can take care of her while we are gone.  So it is going to be, me, Jacob, Seth, the dog and her kennel, our luggage, and any Christmas presents that we are taking with us ALL stuffed in the Mustang.  I have no idea how this is going to work.  Maybe we will be able to determine that there isn’t enough room for everything and I can volunteer to not go at all.  Either that or we can leave Seth behind.  I don’t think that anybody will be missing him from Christmas at this point.  I am NOT looking forward to next week.  If anything I’m dreading it.  = 

So yeah… that’s it.  There’s really no making a long story short with this one.  LOL