Heal for the honey

 Dear Diary

I know that it’s over with my best friend. For real. But I also know it’s probably the best thing for us and maybe we can be friends again in the future. I hope so because she’s an awesome person and I do wish her the best because she deserves it. Last night happened a lot but I don’t wanna write about everything. 

I don’t understand why people fancy or even like me. I’m not conceited but I guess people think I am. You can never do anything right. I feel sorry because Alex told me he likes me and I told him I like him too but I don’t want that he makes himself hope. He probably thinks we will get together. I don’t want to. He’s a nice guy but I’m not ready for this. There are also two other guys. One invited me for dinner because he thinks I’m gorgerous. I don’t think so. Whatever. The other one invited me to his party. Two years ago I had a huge crush on him. He was also into me but we didn’t get together because none of us was ready. I’m still not. I don’t want to be in a relationship. I want something easy and not too private. I guess I sound like cold hearted girl. But I’m not. I just need time. You know I really want to try to become a better person and I don’t wanna hurt anyone. I always feel horrible.I don’t hurt people because it makes fun I do because there’s no other way and it’s probably for their own best. 

I cried for a long time today because of my best friend. I understand why she  can’t be friends with me anymore and I’m not angry at her. It made me mad for a couple hours but now I’m just happy that I had the chance to spend one of the best times in my life with her. It’s not the parties or stuff like that. I loved the little moments. When we were sitting in a church all alone. Just the two of us. We talked for hours and cried and told us we never want to be without eachother and that we loved us even more than our family. I still believe she’s my soulmate and I don’t think I’ll ever find someone like her. I hope destiny will bring us together someday. I really do. She’s the type of person u wanna write a book about. When I’m older she’ll be the person I tell my kids who changed my life. I know I changed her too. She made me think. She made me look under the surface. I know that puberty is the time where you find yourself and I’m still in that phase. But I think I’m starting to know who I am and she’s the reason why. 

– Lovelyn.