Blind as I am

 Dear Diary

I just got back from Charlie. The dinner was actually pretty cool. it was kinda weird being around other people who don’t drink or smoke. Jade and Me probably didn’t really fit in but Charlie was very nice. I wonder if he ever kissed a girl or got drunk. I’d really like to know that. 

I know that I quited smoking but I guess I’m starting with it again. I smoked 20 cigarrettes in just a couple of hours but it makes me calm down. Charlie had a big garden with beautiful little lamps. Tonight’s fullmoon and this made the atmosphere even more beautiful. Jade and I didn’t talk much but I think I liked the silence. Right now I’m sitting on my balcony. Smoking a cigarrette and writing a diary entry while I listen to Indiana- Blind as I am. It’s a really beautiful song. It should have more views. Those nights are the worst. I just sit here and worry about the future and everything. I can do that for hours. Even if I want to go to sleep I can’t stop. 

I told Jade that I’m not happy but only because she asked me. But I also told her that it isn’t as bad as it sounds. In the beginning it was horrible but with time you learn to live with it and things are getting better. I’m really tired and I miss someone to talk to but I don’t want to bother anyone. I know there a lot people who have it much more worse than me. I’m just a normal teenager in puberty. That’s what I believe. I just hope that everything’s gonna be different in a couple years. I really hope so.

I gotta go now. I might start to write a story if I can bring myself to do it. I just feel right now’s a good time to start with it.

– Lovelyn.