puckerholed

Ok, so not alot has been going on in my life.

Chris and I are having some problems, but hopefully they will resolve themselves after the court thing is finished.  We seem to fight alot and I just can’t take it after awhile.  I don’t want to fight with him anymore and I find myself thinking about what it would be like if I didn’t have to fight with him.  If I didn’t have him around. I know that is an awful thing to say, but I do.  I find myself thinking about how my life would be different if we weren’t married and I didn’t have to put up with all of the shit he’s gotten himself and me into ya know?  Does that make me a crappy person?  I mean, I wouldn’t have had to borrow money off my parents and my sister if he didn’t get himself locked up.  I wouldn’t be paying for a lawyer, the car wouldn’t be wrecked and I wouldn’t be paying for something I can’t even drive.  I hold ALOT of annymosity because of the care thing, I mean it comes out of my account and I can’t even drive the damn thing. I have to pay insurance on the fucking thing and I can’t drive it.  I have no way of getting anywhere myself or doing anything by myself because he was a dumbass.  Ok…wow I sound like a super mega bitch.  But I don’t mean to be, I really don’t.  I just want things to be easier you know.  I know life isn’t all gumdrops and candy canes, but shit I need some easy days and soon.  Basically I’m just scared.  If he gets locked up we’ll lose so much.  The house, the animals, the car…everything.  I’ll be screwed.  I sound SO selfish…

He did go to the doctor after we talked to try some anti-depressants and some stuff for his anger.  I hope the one he is on now works.  The other he tried sucked ass.  He has stopped smoking weed too which I’m proud of him for because we can’t afford to have him in anymore trouble.  I can’t take it.  He seems as though he’s putting in some effort and I appreciate it. I don’t know I guess I expect the worst out of him so I get all defensive when he doesn’t something even remotely stupid, and then I tend to go off.  It’s my fault and I know this, I’m working on it.  He has also agreed to go to counseling and give it a chance so that’s a plus too.  I hope things get better.  I know marriage is ongoing work, but it’s only the second year of it and it can’t stay this crappy.  I won’t survive it.

Work is about the same.  I played hooky on Wednesday.  I just didn’t feel like putting up with all the bitches.  Instead I went shopping with my sister, didn’t by anything, but it was nice to be out of the house.  Friday thought I shopped by ass off, it was freaking great even though it was just groceries, it was still great.  After that we decorated my sisters house for halloween because she’s a freak and loves to scare the shit out of little kids.  Ok, I like it too. 🙂  I worked today with my boss the super farting snatch, it wasn’t that bad, she farted only a couple of times and she was in a pretty good mood.  We weren’t that busy though which made the day go super slow. SUCKED DONKEY BALLS!!!!!!!!!!!

Oh well, I’m over at my sisters watching this bob and tom special…don’t know about it…not that funny.  It’s ok. 

Today I feel……….confused.