8/26/07

Frustration has set in….

With everything.  Home, Work, Sex, Myself, etc…

Ok, so life isn’t perfect so let me rant for a moment! 

First off, home & sex:  I WANT SOME FREAKIN’ SEX, is that really so much to ask for?  Really, aren’t guys supposed to want it more?  🙂  Well that’s just not the case, I know that my husband is a bit older, 7 years to be exact, but really that dosen’t mean his dead right?  And I know that he works out in the heat all day so I don’t really ask for it during the week, because I don’t want to kill him ya know?  But on the freakin’ weekend he could give it up at least once!!! I’m dying here.  Whew….that feels better.

Work:  Well, it’s work and I’m tring to hire in someone knew because the girl that replaced my co worker that just didn’t show up doesn’t like the job and is just going to stay until I find a replacement, so it’s been interviews out the ass, and so far I’ve only really found 1 person that would fit in.  So that’s been a bit stressful, because I have my boss breathing down my neck and asking how it’s coming along.  I have to be honest and tell him that most of the people have sucked so far.  Oh well.  Hopefully that will be resolved by the end of next week.

Myself:  Well if you read my last entry you were probably a bit confused.  I’ll be honest at the time I was a bit confused myself, and still am to some extent.  I have most likely made a mistake that hasn’t gone too far yet.  I have the power to stop it and yet I haven’t.  Ok, so I got on myspace…that was my first mistake right.  And well, I saw a guy that I know on there, so what did my dumbass do, I e-mailed him.  I shouldn’t have…I know this.  We used to hang out…ok so maybe a little more than hang out, never sex, but more than hang out.  I just asked him how things have been for the past 5 years…blah blah blah…he responded.  Crappers…He was a really nice guy, but I just don’t feel right about talking to him now, and I don’t want him to get the wrong impression, but I’m not looking to cheat on my husband.  I know it doesn’t look good either.  I’m not really sure what to do about this situation.  Ok, I do know what to do…so I’ll just e-mail him and tell him that I’m sorry but I’m just not comfy with talking to him and it was my mistake in the first place for even e-mailing.  That will be that.  I hope.  Sometimes I can be such a dumbass. *sigh*

I’m feeling really random tonight.  I’m lonely and my husband just doesn’t seem interested in even talking to me anymore.  He told me to shut up tonight and it really kind of hurt my feelings because it’s the first time in a long time that I think he actually meant it.  I don’t know I suppose I do talk too much, but I always have. 

I just feel rejected at the moment and I hate it.  I give him too much power over my emotional well being.  I just don’t think he realizes what he says really does play a big part.  Does that make any sense?  How he treats me and the things he says or does, it’s like they have the power to make or break me, mood wise and emotion wise.  I don’t like that at all.  I feel like I’ve let myself become too vunerable.  I’m exposed just enough to stick the knife in where it hurts the most.  How do you deal with being rejected by the one person who is supposed to love you the most?  My tears are empty promises that fall on no ones shoulders….

Today I feel…………………….LOST.

~megs