5/20/07

Alright so I openly admit I am not the best wife in the world.  I will never like to cook or clean.  That’s just not a part of me.  The laundry doesn’t have to be put away in order for me to function and the bed doesn’t have to be made in order for me to feel comfortable.  Never has and never will.  But I’m not a fucking slob and I do pick up after myself.  I don’t leave dirty dishes laying around to stink up the house and everything gets done.  I’m more of a get it all done in one day and over with kind of girl.

We got home from my sisters house about 2:00 am and the dog had well, had thrown up on our comforter that was on the bed.  Not anything to be happy about, but certainly not something to throw a fucking fit over.  Just clean it up, change the bedding, and go on with life right?  No, not for Chris.  He had to throw a big ass fucking fit over it and stood there yelling at the dog telling him that he should kick him in the gut and he wished he could get rid of him.  All that shit.  The poor dog was standing behind me shaking and looking up at him, like I’m sorry….Then he went on the the cats and how he’s the only one who ever does anything for any of them around here.  What the hell, they’re animals they don’t take that much work you know.  You feed them and you let them out to do their business and they’re pretty much good from there.  He had to go on and on about how I’m fucking lazy and never do anything and he’s the responsible one.  How he doesn’t think he wants to have kids with me because he’s the one who would wind up doing all the work.  WTF??

How did we go from a dog having an accident to us never having kids? 

My opinion is that he’s scared of having another kid because of what happened with his daughter.  Well that’s not my problem, I’ve tried to help him out with his feelings on it, but it’s his demon to conquer.  I can support him, but he’s the one that has to get over it.  And if he doesn’t want to have another kid, then I’m not the one.  I want kids.  At least one.  I won’t let someone else’s hang ups determine my life.  I know that makes me sound like a bitch.  I love him so much.  But that was really just an awful thing to say.  It hurt my feelings ALOT.  I’m tired of getting this "you’re lazy and you’ll be a bad mother speech".  I’m not lazy and I think I’d be a good mom.  I hope.

I don’t know.  He’s been grumpy since I got home anyway.  Maybe he’s just in a bad mood. Still…Crappy thing to say.

I’m tired of feeling hurt.