Dear Hair,

So I’ve been meaning to talk to you for a while.

WTF ARE YOU DOING?! God damn I cannot take this. I wake up early, I wash the shit outta you, treat you so nice, blow dry you so wonderfully and you, being a super bitch, decide to be slightly… RETARDED. I cannot take this. Stop getting frizzy. I dont care what the hell the weather is like outside. 100% humidity. BITCH I DONT CARE. I dont see ANYONE elses hair being all crazy. I finally get you looking nice and the SECOND I walk out the door or have something important to do you get outta control.

So I thought… treating you nice wasnt helping. Maybe I’ll treat you like shit. Hm? Maybe that’ll help? NOPE. For a straight year I blowed dried you without any protectant. E.V.E.R.Y.D.A.Y for a year! Then there was that time I was real young and got a straightern even though I didnt really need it… and I straighted you everyday… like 4 times a day for the hell of it. And still.. you do THIS!??!

And dont even get my started on how motherfucking greasy you are. Jesus! Just please, stop creating that oil. Oh.my.god. Its disgusting and freaky. I HATE IT. STOP.

Oh and that sneaky shit you do…. acting all UP damn day and then finally I get home from work or class or what the fuck ever and BAM! you are the best looking shit I’ve ever seen. Take today for example.

WHAT THE FUCK! You were all weird and shit today. ALL DAY! ALL DAY THROUGH WORK! WHERE I SEE PEOPLE AND PEOPLE HAVE TO SEE ME! Then I get home and shaaazzzaaaaaammmmm. Best looking shit I’ve ever seen. I think you know. I think you are purposly doing this.

So, in conclusion… if you could fix these things, that’d be AWESOME and I’d realllly appreciate it.

Thanks!

-Stephanie