Who I am

 I don’t think I’ve ever been so stressed out about my life. I was sitting on the train home from school and I felt so dead inside. Felt as though I had no destination, that I didn’t want to get off the train and the next thing you know there were tears in my eyes because I was sitting there thinking about what my life has come to. 

I have no desire for anything anymore. I have no excitement. No plans because they never work anymore. 

It’s hard for me to see whats going to happen 6 months from now and the uncertainty has gotten to me under my skin. 

I’m not sure how to deal with everything that’s being thrown at me. I’m trying really hard to be strong but I know within myself that I’m the weakest of them all. I’m holding my head up right now because I have no idea what else to do. 

I have no passion, no dreams, nothing I want to achieve. I have nothing because I don’t think any of this in MY hands anymore. 

Tears come easy and stay longer. I’m not who I used to be and I can never be who I want to. 

These are just days now and day by day I’m hurting more and more..
I keep looking for adventure, I keep looking for relief but honestly, is there any? 
Is there that day where my head will be clear? Is there that day when I’ll look forward to tomorrow?

I am mentally exhausted because of these thoughts and the sad part is that it’s so hard to step away from them, to turn my back on them for the night or the day or an hour or a day. 
I am physically exhausted, supporting myself through school is taking everything out of me and yet I still don’t have enough. I’m exhausted when I sleep, exhausted when I wake, exhausted when I come home, exhausted when I go to work. 

What will make me happy? 
Honestly, I can’t tell you. There’s nothing anymore..
I just need it to happen on its own because I’m out of thoughts/idea/plans/everything. 

I’m hurting because I can never be who I want to…I’m hurting.

5:12pm