Two boys, one girl

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I haven’t seen AA in quite some time and I was starting to get over the idea of being with him. I didn’t miss him much, I didn’t feel anything when I looked at his picture, felt nothing when I read his messages.

Until, he texted me Sunday night asking me to hang out.. I told him I was busy and couldn’t meet (truth) and told him that maybe another day.
Him: “I’m going to Texas for a couple days, wanna come? Everything’s paid for”
Me: “Tempting. I’d love to but I’ll pass”
Weird. I thought..
from Saturday till Wednesday, I heard nothing from him until Wednesday night, he calls me. He wanted to go for a bike ride and I refused, cause I didn’t feel like it. “Wanna do something else?” He asked me. He decided to come pick me up and we went to sonic, of course. We’re sitting there and he’s very interested in me, can’t stop looking at me and is sitting there asking me how my day was and what I’ve been up to. As I’m showing him pictures while bending my head to my phone, he bends his head down and kisses me. Oh GOD! I thought. We went to his house and planned on watching a movie except for we never got to it. We made out. A lot. This is wrong, I know. I didn’t do anything else with him because I know I shouldn’t. I know I shouldn’t even let him kiss me, I should tell him whats up with me but I felt so weak.

I came home, I felt sick. I was confused and frustrated. My strong will went out the freaking window.

The next day (Thursday), Matt wanted to stop by. We went out to eat and then went to a park, laid down a blanket by a fountain and just relaxed with each other. His kisses made my stomach turn (in a good way), his touch felt warm and caring.

It’s hard to explain the intensity of our relationship to others. The only two people that are aware of feelings and situations is him and I. We talk a lot about what we feel, what we want in life and how to improve one and another. It bothers me that he is so concerned about my past but to a point, I understand it. I know, advice to me was to let him go that he won’t change, that he won’t let this go. I’m trying to see what happens, I’m giving it time and if I feel like he won’t let it go then I won’t be with him.

Its surreal how I feel with him, how we feel, what he says and what he does. I don’t know the truth from lies but the benefit of the doubt makes him seem nothing less than perfect. I know I’ve felt this way about AA, I know I’ve said these things before too. So they may not be new and this may just be the beginning lust/infatuation stage. I realize that and that is why I’m not acting too hastily. I’m trying to figure him out, trying to see his actions, trying to see what he is all about. Trying to see if this is worth it in the long run.

I promise, I’ll be responsible, analytical and 100% when I make any decision.